The Sacrifices For Truth
by Bunnylass
Summary: Book 4 in 'The Shock Of A Lifetime' series. Jesse's POV of all his encounters with Suze in 'Darkest Hour'. Finished.
1. Chapter 1

**_Disclaimer:_** Nope, nothing is mine. The Mediator belongs to Meg Cabot... **; )**

**_Rating:_** T

**_A/N:_** Hi ya! How is everyone? Welcome to Book 4, of '_The Shock Of A Lifetime' _series. All together now – WHOA! I personally can't get my head around it, lol. For the any new readers, this is Jesse's POV of his encounters with Suze in _'Darkest Hour'_...and some **;P**

Now it gets fun, hehe. I want to say a very big, large, massive **THANK YOU **for all of your continued support and encouragement. If it wasn't for all your awesome reviews and enthusiasm, I wouldn't have gotten this far. You all make me want to work, twice as hard and twice as fast **:D** I hope you enjoy...

**_Recap:_** Jesse thinks over the past couple of weeks. Learning of a new Mediator and senses a malevolent Spirit haunting Susannah's room...

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**_The Sacrifices For Truth..._**

It had taken a couple of weeks for Susannah to recover properly form her ordeal with the Angels. I knew her ribs were quite painful, but her bruising deminished quite quickly. Much to her delight, Gina had spent the rest of her vacation at the beach with Susannah, giving her time to relax and rest properly. As much as I appreciated Gina stepping in to inform Father Dominic of Susannah's whereabouts - the night the Angels attacked - I was enjoying the peace after she left.

I had finally had the opportunity to talk with Susannah about that awful night. To apologize properly, for my own lack of foresight. We were both feeling remorseful and blamed ourselves. Neither willing to admit the other was at fault. Eventually coming to a compromise. But by the end of the whole ordeal, I felt alot more confident. And that Susannah and I were closer.

Now it seemed everything had gone back to normal. Susannah had finished the last couple of weeks of school, before finishing for summer vacation. Including the prom she was helping with. The same one, that never fails to make me smile at the memory. We never spoke of our dance again, I didn't want to embarrass Susannah, or make her uncomfortable. But the memories and tenderness, are still fresh in my mind.

I knew Susannah had every intention of spending as much time at the beach as possible this summer. To languish and enjoy herself. At least until the next wayward Spirit seeking her help. But as she kept telling me, this was her first summer here and she wasn't going to waste any of it, by not being by the ocean every chance she got.

Or so she planned until her stepfather told her otherwise. Susannah had given me quite a shock when she had stormed into her room, crashing onto her bed. Letting loose a frustrated scream into her pillow. I had been quite concerned at her entrance and shrieking and was preparing to get up to see what was wrong, when she had quickly jumped to her feet, pacing her room. Muttering about stepfathers spoiling her summer and taking her away from the beach. Trying to make her responsible. Robbing her of her youth.

All I could do was sit and try to understand her muttering. My eyes following her backwards and forwards. She turned sometimes, speaking directly at me. I didn't understand half of what Susannah was saying and didn't dare interrupt her to find out what was wrong. She did eventually calm down though, collapsing onto her bed again. I finally found the courage to ask Susannah why she was upset, hoping her frustration and anger wouldn't be directed at me.

Susannah informed me - with a sigh - that her stepfather wanted her to find employment for the summer. I listened carefully taking in everything she was saying. He apparently expected Susannah to find a job, instead of sitting around doing nothing. The same was expected of Jake. Brad was having to attend school everyday, due to his failing a couple of lessons at school. And David was going to a camp for the month.

I thought it was a great idea. Susannah had the opportunity of work experience and to earn herself some money. She often complained she never got paid for being a Mediator. It would give her a good sense of responsibility too. Of course pointing this out to Susannah - apparently - wasn't the best idea. She just groaned at me, falling back onto her bed and choosing to ignore my presence all together. I just shook my head at her in mock disgust, trying not to laugh.

Though I did understand what Susannah meant. She hadn't really had a break since she arrived here. And I knew she was hoping this summer would be the perfect opportunity for her. And rightly so. She deserved it.

But Susannah and I both knew, there was no way she was going to be getting out of it. Her mother thought it was a wonderful idea and had sided with her step-father. So Susannah surrendered to the inevitable and got to work for the summer. She managed to procure a placement, at the same hotel Jake was. Looking after the guests small children, much to Susannah's dismay. She often come home grumbling and tired after a long day. I would offer a small smile and my own condolences, helping any way I could.

While Susannah was working, I would stay in her room, becoming deeply engrossed with her school textbooks, often asking her about them. I was slowly making my way through them. Some I found fascinating, others frustrating. Spike would often join me on the window seat, but just like most animals, tended to stay in the sun most of the time.

Susannah and I still got to spend time together in the evenings. When she didn't have plans with her friends or was too tired to stay awake. We would lay on the porch roof, looking at the stars. I was slowly teaching Susannah some of the constellations you could just about see, becoming engrossed with my own knowledge. We would lay there for hours sometimes, talking and laughing.

I could feel myself falling deeper and deeper. Helpless to stop, unwilling to try. Enjoying the feelings and emotions, but terrified of the outcome. Learning to reign it in was becoming more difficult. I would catch myself staring at Susannah, with such a look of contentment and affection on my face. And an emotion I dare not name. Worried Susannah would see it in my eyes. Or hear it in my voice.

I strives to try and act as normal as possible. To be as friendly as I could be, without pushing her away from me. I was sure Susannah didn't suspect anything, for which I was extremely grateful. I didn't want to do anything to jeopardise our friendship, we had worked so hard to build. The trust and honesty that had been achieved, from all we had been through together. That - at this moment - was more important. Or so I tried to tell myself.

It was as I was sitting in Susannah's room, becoming increasingly annoyed with my reading material, when the object of my thoughts had burst into her room. Susannah had looked flushed and clammy. Her cheeks tinted pink and a nervous look in her eye. She had been surprised to find me in her room with Spike sitting in my lap. But the shock was swept away so fast, I wasn't even sure I had seen it there.

I looked up at her, a questioning look on my face. "This book is very difficult to understand." I said, by way of greeting. Nodding at the textbook by my side.

Susannah blinked at me, slightly dazed. "If Sylvester Stallone understood it," She replied, looking at the title. "I would think you could."

I carried on, regardless of Susannah's sarcasm. "Marx predicted that the contradiction and weaknesses within the capitalist structure would cause increasingly severe economic crises and deepening impoverishment of the working class," I said. "which would eventually revolt and seize control of the means of production...which is precisely what happened in Vietnam. What induced the U.S government to think that they were justified in involving themselves in the struggle of the people of this developing nation to find economic solidarity?"

I looked up at Susannah questioningly, seeing her shoulders slump with fatigue. She walked over to her bed, falling down face first. Making my worries for her resurface again.

"Are you all right?" I asked quickly.

"Yes," Was Susannah's muffled reply.

I left it a minute or so, waiting for Susannah to say more, or talk to me. When nothing was forth coming I spoke again. "Well, you don't seem all right. Are you sure nothing is wrong?"

Susannah had laid there in silence for a minute, before she answered. "Well, I met another Mediator today, and I guess that kind of freaked me out."

That certainly had my attention. I closed my book, looking at Susannah. She turned over from her face down position, to tell me about her young charge, Jack, who was only eight years old. I listened carefully and with rapt attention. She told me of his fear at seeing the ghosts. How he had told numerous adults, with none believing him. That she had spoken to him about being a mediator, putting his fears to rest. And how he had dramatically changed over just one day, into a bright cheerful child.

Once she finished, I gave her my own advice. I mentioned that she should inform Father Dominic of young Jack, to see what he thought she should do. I knew he would want to know of something this important, straight away. "Good idea," Susannah had replied, turning to her phone to call him.

I listened to the one sided conversation, not bothering to hide my curiosity. "Is Father Dominic there?" She had asked sweetly, staring up at her ceiling in boredom.

I watched as a look of horror crossed her face, turning into a scowl. She listened to what the other person was saying, who I assumed wasn't Father Dominic. "I know," She said in answer, careful control in her voice. "Only – "

Susannah was cut off by the other person, listening for a second, before replying again. "Retreat?" She asked. She thanked the other person, who I had discovered was Sister Ernestine and apologised for disturbing her so late, then hanging up.

"What is a retreat?" I asked when she had turned back to me. We sat there for a long time, with Susannah explaining to me what a retreat was. Where Father Dominic had gone. She went on to tell me what she knew about the Vietnam War and the fall of communism in the former Soviet Union. I asked questions where it was appropriate, listening to what Susannah was telling me, but not giving her my full attention.

I sat and observed Susannah while she talked. There was no enthusiasm in her voice. No effort to what she was saying. She seemed pre-occupied with other things. Other thoughts. Her eyes constantly drifting to the dark view behind me, outside her window. I watched as the waves of tiredness and exhaustion took over her as we talked. Causing her to yawn in between her words. I called a halt to our talk not long after. Content to pick the conversation back up, at another time.

I wished her goodnight, depositing Spike on the seat and leaving Susannah to get ready for bed in peace. But I still couldn't rid myself of Susannah seeming to have something on her mind. At the faraway look in her eyes ever since she had entered her room. Her quiet distant voice as she spoke. It seemed a little more than just her finding another mediator. And one so young. But it could also have been tiredness. I may have been reading to much into it I thought.

I didn't want to pressure Susannah into telling me if she wasn't ready. I knew she would talk to me when she was ready to. I took myself to the beach after I left Susananh's room. I wanted to enjoy the beautiful clear night. I had been spending a lot of time in Susannah's room than normal. Reading as much as I could, happy to sit in the silence. But I had missed the beach. The soothing sounds of the waves crashing on the shore. The way the full moon sparkled on the water's surface. Tiny pinpricks of light.

I became caught in the rhythmic sounds and sights before me. Losing all track of time around me. I was contemplating this when a odd, strange feeling came over me. I was so engrossed in my surroundings, that I nearly missed the odd tingly sensations overcoming me. The same sensations that indicated another spectral visitor. I quickly pulled myself from my musings, concentrating harder on the vibrations around me. The sense of fear and panic. I knew instantly where those particular feelings were coming from. The same location, it seemed, as the ghostly presence.

Not hesitating any longer than was needed, I took myself there. I appeared in Susannah's room, expecting to see another Spirit, but there was no-one. Susannah's covers were thrown back, her bed devoid of her. The air was tingling slightly with energy, of malevolence. The room seem darker than normal, the moonlight no where to be seen. I could smell a faint aroma. Almost like oranges. The smell slightly familiar, but was evading my grasp.

Susannah emerged from her bathroom, jumping slightly at seeing me. I took in her rumpled appearance, straightening up from my position of leaning against her bedpost. I noticed Susannah was avoiding my eyes, but I could feel the impressions of panic still. The fear seeming to have subsided for now. I narrowed my eyes at her behaviour, thoughts and questions running through my mind.

"Are you alright?" I asked worriedly. "I thought I...Susannah, was somebody just here?"

"No," Was all Susannah said. She walked over to her bed, climbing in underneath the covers. "Look, Jesse," Susannah continued, pulling her covers up all the way to her chin. I scrutinised her, seeing the defensive move. "I'm really tired."

"Oh," I said, suddenly realizing the time. "Of course. But...You're sure there wasn't anyone in here? Because I could swear – " I trailed off, confusing taking hold.

Susannah looked at me, waiting expectantly. She was hiding something, I knew she was. Why would she get up in the middle of the night. The same time as I felt the presence. And why was she panicked and frightened. It wasn't making any sense. I shook my head, saying a quiet apology before abruptly disappearing again. Leaving her to go back to sleep.

I took myself to the Mission this time, sitting on the bench in the courtyard. I put my head in my hands, trying to shake the emotions radiating off of Susannah. The questions running through my mind, one after the other. Why couldn't Susannah tell me know what was going on, more importantly. I wasn't angry, only concerned. Who was she trying to protect by withholding the information. I didn't think she had lied to me purposefully. But she obviously was too frightened to tell me. But _why?_

I shook my head again, sitting up properly not getting anywhere with my rapid thoughts. Susannah was right, it was late and I couldn't go back tonight, she needed her rest. But tomorrow, tomorrow I will find out what is going on. To discover who had been visiting her so late at night, and with such an air of malicious intent. If she was being threatened and scared, then I wouldn't stand back and let that continue. Not to Susannah. And certainly not if I had the power to find out who by. And for it to stop...

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**_A/N 2:_** Thanks for reading, please review **: )** And I'll see y'all in chapter 2, coming soon... **;D**

**_Anonymous Review:_**

**_Meg –_** Hey! Thanks for reviewing! So glad your still enjoying all these **:D** And that you liked '_By The Glow Of The Moon'_ I really had lotsa fun writing that one. It had to be done. Here's book 4, for ya...thanks for all your continued support, take care. And thank you **:D**

**_Satellite Falling –_** Shucks, thank you **: )** I wanted to make '_By The Glow Of The Moon'_ as light-hearted as possible, so I'm glad you really enjoyed it. Thanks again, take care **:D**

**_Coming in Chapter 2: _**Suze spills all to Jesse...Including about Maria's threats...


	2. Chapter 2

**_Disclaimer:_** Please see first chapter for disclaimer.

**_Rating:_** T

**_A/N: _**Okay, so it's 1.30 in the morning, probably time for me to hit the pillows, but it wanted to give you all this emotional chapter first **: )** OK, so let me quickly explain. I figured after 150 years of coming to terms with his death, knowing he would never see Maria or Diego again, Jesse would of kinda got over it. But imagine the implications of just hearing his killers names. To know they've entered back into your, er, afterlife **¬.¬** The reaction would be strong and powerful...so this is my version.

I hope it's still true to Jesse, please let me know, what ya think **:D** And thank you so much for the **SUPER SNAZZY** (recognise it **_ekmemerald_**?) **;P **response to the first chapter. Ohh, hey, **_GeekdomBeckons-88_**, two words – **JAZZ TASTIC! :D**

**_Recap: _**Jesse confronts Suze of her ghostly visitor. Causing a very old, very deep wound to be torn back open...

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**_Chapter 2..._**

I patiently waited in Susannah's room with Spike by my side, for her to arrive home from work the next day. Preparing to ask her what had happened last night. What she wasn't telling me. But when I saw her pull up with Jake and climb out of the car, I couldn't do it. Susannah looked upset, I could see it in her tense form and pursed lips. Whether in anger or sadness I wasn't sure. But I didn't want to make her feel any worse than she already did. So I held back, waiting patiently for the right moment to present itself.

I had had plenty of time to think over the course of the day. But my mind was devoid of any answers, only Susannah could supply. It was unusual for her to withhold something like this from me. Not like she would have done in the early stages of our friendship. But I knew someone had visited Susannah late last night. Only I didn't have any idea who. And why they would be so threatening towards her. I could sense it.

As far as I knew, Susannah hadn't wrongly crossed anyone's path lately. Or gotten on the wrong side of a spectral visitor. Not since the Angels anyhow. But someone of that evil intent, who would strike such fear into Susannah, had to be powerful. And she must know them. Why else would she keep the information from me. Susannah's summer had been gliding along smoothly until last night. I should have known it wouldn't last long.

Susannah wasn't home long before she left again. She had been in her room only seconds, rushing to her private bathroom to change. Then running back out of her door. I kept myself hidden from her, sensing her fast restless energy. Her need for escape. I heard a loud car horn from out the front of her home, noticing the familiar car of Susananh's friend. They didn't have to wait to long before Susannah darted out of her house to join them.

I kept vigil, watching as they drove away. I knew Susannah was avoiding me. Trying to put off the inevitable. She knew I would continue our discussion from last night, after her visitor had disappeared. And that I wouldn't let up until she told me, who had made her feel so scared. Shaking my head, I watched her drive off into the distance, resolving to speak with her once she returned home. After all, she had a curfew so she couldn't stay out all night.

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I knew when Susannah had returned home, I was waiting on her porch giving her plenty of time to get settled. I waited patiently until I was sure Susannah would be ready for my visit and interrogation, before I made my appearance again. But when I arrived in her room, it was darker than normal and devoid of life. Susannah wasn't here, or in the her bathroom. The lights were all out and her bed was made, the same as she had left it before leaving for work this morning. I tried to quell the panic and worry rising in my throat at her absence. Not seeing any sign of her having been here.

Expanding and concentrating my senses, I tried to locate her in the rest of the house. She wasn't downstairs, in the living area, or the kitchen. Brad I discovered was in his room, but Jake's was empty. I felt a presence in David's room though. I realized straight away who the specific person was. Considering David was away at camp and Susannah wasn't where I had expected her to be, it stood to reason. I had located the wayward mediator.

Without hesitating, I quickly took myself to David's room, confused as to why she would be sleeping in there, instead of her own. The reaction I received upon materialising though, was one that I will never forget, or wish to experience again. As I arrived I heard Max muttering a low growl at my presence. Not two seconds after I felt a rush of air sweep past me. Followed - I quickly discovered - by a large, spiky object swinging in my direction, nearly impaling me in the process.

Shocked and more than surprised, I quickly jumped back out of the way. "Susannah!" I cried, taking another step away just in case she tried to hit me again. "What are you _doing?"_

I saw Susannah slouch, nearly dropping her weapon still in her hands. Heaving a large sigh of what sounded like relief. The emotion was pouring off of her now. Her breathing was heavy and loud in the tense atmosphere. Max was by the door now, crying and whining. Clawing at the wood to be let out. Susannah getting her breathing under control, climbed out of bed to let him free. Handing the tool to me in the process.

I was astonished and shocked to discover she had been holding a _pick! _That was what she had been trying to protect herself with. She obviously had thought I was someone else. I was quite certain it wasn't me, she was trying to harm. I looked at the tool I was holding in curiosity.

"Susannah," I repeated, once she had closed the door on Max. "Why are you sleeping in David's room, armed with a _pick?"_

She looked back at me, as innocently as possible. Raising her eyebrows in wonder. As if what I had just said, was more surprising than what she had just tried to do to me.

"Is _that_ what that is? I was wondering." Susannah sweetly replied.

I shook my head at her try for distraction. But I wasn't falling for it this time. Something dangerous was going on and I wanted to know what.

"Susannah," I said, quietly and calmly. "tell me what is going on. Now."

"Nothing." She quickly squeaked. Her tone and voice contradicting her answer. Susannah darted forward, leaping back underneath David's covers. I saw a flash of pain cross her face, followed by a wince. I looked closely at her, trying to decipher her too wide eyed expression. It reminded me of my sisters far too much.

"Susannah," I looked to her covers, noticing something shiny sticking out from the side. "Is that an _ax?_" I asked incredulously. A pick _and_ an ax in her bed with her. Not to mention Max, who she had as little contact with as possible normally.

"I can explain," Susannah said, cringing again and pushing the ax back under the covers away from my view. But not quick enough. I bent down to lean the pick against the side of David's bed, leaving my arms free to fold across my chest. My patience wearing extremely thin.

"I'd like to hear it," I said. Locking her with a hard, unwavering stare. Daring her to try and creep out of it this time.

"Well," Susannah took a deep breath, drawing it out in the growing silence. "It's like this."

But she didn't continue. I could see in her eyes she didn't know what to say and was trying to think up a lie for me. She pursed her lips together, grimacing slightly at my own expression. Deciding to help her along a bit, I unfolded my arms and placed them either side of her on the headboard. Leaning in, till we were only inches apart. Susannah slithered down in David's bed a bit more, trying to avoid my penetrating gaze.

"Susannah," I said, my anger stinging my words. "What is happening here? Last night I could swear I felt...a presence in your room. And then tonight you are sleeping in here, with picks and axes? What is it that you aren't telling me? And why? Why can't you tell me?"

Susannah looked back up at me, with a slightly chagrined expression.

"Look," She said, trying to be rational. "It's not that I don't want to tell you. It's just that I'm afraid that if I do..."

But as fearful as Susannah was to tell me, my stare apparently was worse. Everything that seemed to be troubling her, came tumbling out. Only she'd spoken so rapidly, I couldn't understand what she said. I only managed to catch a couple of words, not making any sense of them. She mentioned something about her stepfather digging in the backyard, letters being found and read. A trip to a museum today with Jack, a body maybe being found. All spoken in a torrential out pour of words.

Finally ending with. "And the thing is, I didn't want you to know, because if your body really is buried out there, and they find it, well, that means that there's no reason for you to hang around here anymore, and I know it's selfish, but I would really miss you, so I was hoping if I didn't mention it you wouldn't find out and everything could just go on like normal."

When she was finished, all I could do was blink and look at her. A dumbfounded look on my face, but not from what she told me. Just as quickly as my anger appeared, it went. Quickly replaced by amusement. Before I could help myself I started laughing. Hard. I couldn't stop myself. I pulled away from my position leaning over Susannah and tried to get control. I sat back on the edge of David's bed, unable to keep myself upright due to laughing too much.

Susannah started asking how I could laugh at her, when her life could be in mortal danger. This only served to increase my amusement. I was chortling so hard, my sides were starting hurt. I hadn't laughed this hard, in a very long time. When I finally started to calm down, Susannah pulled out a hammer to add to her collection of weapons. I couldn't contain it any longer after that and burst out into fresh humor all over again. I reached out to ruffle her hair, looking at her chuckling lightly.

She had an arsenal of tools under her covers. Ready to attack. Who, I still didn't know. Susannah didn't appreciate my entertainment at her expense though. So she pulled out the ax still beneath the covers with her, pulled the comforter up and over her shoulder and turned her back on me. I tried to reign in my mirth so I could talk to her. But not without effort. I felt bad at laughing at Susannah. She was obviously upset and worried and I wasn't being very supportive.

"Susannah," I said, my voice was raspy with chuckling so much and so hard. I saw her stiffen beneath the covers. "Don't be like that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I laughed. It's just that I didn't understand a word you just said, you were talking so fast. And when you pulled out that hammer – "

"Go away," Susannah replied, interrupting me.

"Come on, Susannah," I coaxed in my most convincing voice. "Let go of the sheet." I was pulling at the cover slightly, hoping she would turn over and speak to me. But she wasn't letting go.

"No," She said, just as stubbornly. Clutching the sheet tighter. "I said go away."

"No, I won't go away. Sit up. I want to talk to you seriously now, but how can I do that when you won't look at me? Turn around." I replied. We needed to talk properly. But I wasn't prepared to talk to her back.

"No," Susannah said again. She sounded quite angry now. Then she said something, that made me freeze and lose all traces of humor and thought all together. "Why don't you just go hang out with Maria," She suggested, her voice hard and acidic. "Maybe you two could sit around and sharpen her knives together and have some more laughs at my expense. Ha ha you could say. That mediator is so funny."

I sat frozen, for what seemed endless minutes. My mind trying to catch up with what she just said. Who she just spoke of. The one name, I never thought to ever hear, uttered from Susannah's lips. The name, reverberating around my silent mind. Echoing, repeating itself.

"Maria?" I muttered, resuming my pulling of Susananh's covers. Urgently asking Susannah. "What are you talking about, knives?"

And then it all seemed to fall into place. Everything Susannah had just been saying. Her fast explanation. The sensations and feelings of malevolence the night before. The energy of a ghost in her room. The familiar scent lingering in the air. Susannah's fear and panic. Her reluctance to tell me what was wrong. She spoke of some letters. Did she mean the letters Maria had written to me. Our correspondences to one another. Her step-father digging in the garden, where he found the box containing them. Her worries of my body being found. Susannah's fear of my moving on, should they find my grave.

As much as I tried to fight it, the memories of that night, from so long ago, flooded my distracted mind. The night Felix Diego, took my life away from me. Leaving me to walk this earth, for a century and a half. Alone. Everything I had buried, hoping to never think of again, rising to the surface. All the memories and emotions I had hoped to leave behind in the past. I had denied myself the chance to dwell in the feelings. Saving myself the pain. There was nothing I could do. No way to gain my life back. No chance for me to gain retribution, for myself and my family.

But now. Now it seemed every angry feeling and hateful thought I ever had towards Maria and Felix, had come forth in full force. My hate for robbing my family of the truth of my death. Causing heartache to my parents and beloved sisters. Making everyone believe I was dishonourable. It all came back to me, all the years I suppressed them, forced into the farthest reaches of my mind. They crept forward, threatening to overwhelm me again. To take away all that I had gained.

"Maria and knives?" I echoed again. Disbelief and horror clouding my voice and mind. "No. No."

Susannah rolled over to face me. "Oh, okay, Jesse. So that knife she held to my throat last night, that must have been an _imaginary _knife. And I must have _imagined_ it when she threatened to kill me, too." She tried to roll back over and hide herself from me. But I reached out, gripping her by her shoulders before she had the chance.

"A knife?" I looked down at Susannah, praying she wasn't telling the truth. That it was all untrue. "Maria was here? With a knife? Why?"

"You tell me," She said. "Someone's been dead and gone as long as she has, it would have to take something pretty big to bring her back."

"She – she tried to hurt you?" I quietly asked. Susannah nodded at me in confirmation, making me tighten my hold on her shoulders. I was trying desperately to get my thoughts in order. The memory and feelings running across the background of my mind, refusing to abate. Put aside suddenly. My concern and fear for Susannah shooting forth, taking over.

"Yes," Susannah said. "And she held it right here," She pointed at her throat, making my whole being turn into ice with the implications. "and she said if I didn't tell Andy to stop digging, she was going to k – "

I snatched Susannah into my arms before she could finish the sentence. My fears becoming closer to reality than I was comfortable knowing, or acknowledging. I let the warm soothing glow envelop me, how only Susannah's touch ever has.

Maria had threatened the one person who had made me feel the closest thing to alive, I possible could. She terrified an innocent soul, my saving grace, my _querida_. Threatening to take away the one person, I couldn't imagine never seeing again. Taking me away from my family wasn't enough the first time. Now she wanted to take Susannah from me too! I muttered some very bad words in Spanish, glad Susannah couldn't understand what I had said.

"It was a really _large _knife," Susannah spoke, pressed into my shoulder. My hold tightened even more. Wanting to protect her and keep her as I safe as I possible could. I didn't think twice about taking Susannah into my arms now. Myself needing the soft, real contact, as much as Susannah needed comforting. "And very pointy." She sniffled.

"_Querida_," I whispered into her hair. Leaning back slightly to kiss her on her head. Granting myself that one luxury. Trying to soothe and ease her as much as I could. To reassure my mind and my heart that she was safe for now.

"And then," She continued, her voice sounding as though tears were close. "she put her hand over my face to keep me from screaming, and one of her rings cut me and made my mouth all bloody."

I pulled Susannah away from the secure embrace in my arms, looking down into her face. Watching her features for any marks Maria may have left behind. Searching her eyes, finding panic and concern in her deep emerald depths.

"Susannah, why didn't you tell me any of this last night?" I asked, confusion written in my eyes and face. "I asked you if something was wrong, and you never said a word."

"Because," Susannah stated, frustration shining through. "It obviously has something to do with why you're here. Why you're still here, I mean, in this house, and why you've been here so long. Jesse, don't you see? If they find your body, that proves you were murdered, and that means Colonel Clemmings was right."

"Colonel who?" I asked.

"Colonel Clemmings." Susannah explained. "Author of '_My Monterey'_. His theory of why you disappeared is not that you got cold feet about marrying Maria and went off to San Francisco to stake a claim, but that that Diego guy killed you so he could marry Maria himself. And if they find your body, Jesse, that will prove you were murdered. And the most likely suspects are, of course, Maria and that Diego dude."

Completely shocked and taken aback by all that Susannah had just told me. That she knew the reasons around my death. The theory of how I was killed. That was closer to the truth than I was comfortable with Susannah knowing. Her own knowledge made me narrow my eyes in suspicion and concern.

"How do you know about him? About Diego?" I asked.

"I told you." Susannah said, frustrated. "It's from a book Doc got out of the library. '_My Monterey'_, by Colonel Harold Clemmings."

"But Doc – I mean, David – is at camp, I thought."

"This was a long time ago. When I first got here. Last January." She sighed. I looked at Susannah, trying to assimilate all that she was telling me. All that had just come to light, in such a short time. My mind assaulting me with image after image. My imagination running wild, picturing Maria talking, no, threatening Susannah. It was a lot to process. Only to also find out, Susannah had known of the circumstances surrounding my death, all this time.

"Are you saying that you've known about this...how I died...all along?" I verified.

"Yes," Susannah defensively said. "But, Jesse, that's my job. That's what mediators _do_. I can't help it."

"Why did you keep asking me about how I died, then." I demanded. I felt the first stirrings of anger spring forth at Susannah's revelation. Annoyed and hurt, she had never spoken to me about it, before now. Angry it had to come out this way. "If you already knew?"

"Well, I didn't know. Not for sure. I still don't. But Jesse – " Susannah still defensive, pulled back from my embrace. I let her go, sitting back myself. She stood up on her heels, trying desperately to explain. "If they find your body out there, not only is Maria going to be really mad, but you...you're going to move on. You know? From here. Because that's what's been holding you back, Jesse. The mystery of what happened to you. Once your body is found, though, that mystery will be solved. And you'll go. And that's why I couldn't tell you, you see? Because I don't want you to go. Because I l –" Susannah paused slightly, a look of abject horror quickly flitting across her face.

" – _like_ having you around and I would really hate not seeing you anymore." Susannah concluded in a rush.

Unable to hold on to my anger. Too emotionally wrought to cling on to an argument, that didn't really matter. I let it all swiftly leave me after Susannah's confession to me. She had admitted her fears, her own concerns. Leaving me with nothing but tenderness in its wake. Just as I did the time before. I ignored all voice of reason, needing only to comfort Susannah now. I reached out, gently stroking her cheek with my fingertips.

"Susannah," I said affectionately, dropping my hand from the gentle caress. "Finding my body is not going to change anything." I assured her. I was firmly confident in this belief. I had acknowledged to myself, exactly what was keeping me from moving on. And her stepfather, or any other person finding my body, certainly wasn't going to change that.

"Um," Susannah said. "Excuse me, Jesse, but I think I know what I'm talking about. I've been a mediator for sixteen years."

"Susannah," I replied. "I have been dead for a hundred and fifty years. I think I know what _I _am talking about. And I can assure you, this mystery about my death you speak of...that is not why I - as you put it - am hanging around here."

I was alarmed to see a glistening moisture spring into Susannah's eyes then. Her normally bright and witty emerald eyes, filled with teardrops. Illuminated in the soft glow only ghosts have. Brimming on the edges of her long eyelashes, teetering on the edge.

"Jesse," Susannah sniffed, her voice thick with emotion. For me. "I'm sorry, but that's just not possible. I mean, I _know_. I've done this a hundred times. When they find you body out there, that is it. You're gone."

"Susannah," I whispered, a small grin forming on my face. I reached out to her again, cupping the side of her face in my hand. Never hesitating and Susannah never pulling away. I was trying to tamp down on my laughter threatening to break forth again. At her own strong belief that I was going to leave her, because they may, or may not find my body. Because I _knew_ the truth. I _knew_ that wasn't what was going to tear me away from her.

"I promise you, Susannah," I spoke softly and precisely. Hoping she would take my word. "that I am not going anywhere, whether or not your stepfather finds my body in the backyard. All right?"

I looked deep into Susannah's eyes as I spoke. Letting my words sink in. I saw her faint disbelief at my plight. But an unwavering trust and loyalty to me. To my vow.

"Really? You promise?" Susannah asked quietly. Her tears streaming down her beautiful face, leaving trails of sparkles in their wake. Running into my palm that was still encompassing her face. Reluctantly removing my hand, I pulled out Maria's handkerchief, shaking it. Reaching forward, I gently wiped away Susannah's tears. I fully intended to keep my promise to her, never wishing to see her cry for me again.

"I swear," I whispered, grinning at her. Managing to keep my laughter at bay.

After Susannah had seen the truth and pledge in my eyes, I managed to talk her into returning to her own room. I said I would keep an eye out for Maria, should she appear again. That I wouldn't let her harm Susannah. But I doubted she would show herself tonight. She would know I was keeping an eye on Susannah. Not willing to let down my guard.

I was still trying to deal with all of the sudden emotions and turmoil that were filling my mind. Being faced with the memories of long ago. The emotions I had sworn I would never let rise again. That had I sworn I would never think of again. After a century and a half, the pain and hate were still as fresh and prominent. Still edging to take over it seemed.

The threat and thought of Susannah being hurt, by the same people who had taken my own life, was an unbearable thought. And one that spawned so much wrath and malicious intent in me, it was hard to see straight. To think logically and calmly. My being screaming for me to go and have my chance at retribution. The only thing keeping me grounded, was the thought of Susannah. Leaving her so unprotected and vulnerable.

I sighed at my own thoughts. Letting my own out of control emotions, rule me. I knew my main priority was to stay with Susannah. That was enough for me. I sat on the Susannah's daybed, Spike situated on my lap, with the pretense of reading a book I had picked up off of David's floor, _'A Thousand Years'. _I pretended to read it, until Susannah was comfortable with my presence enough to finally fall into an exhausted slumber. Her breathing becoming slow and deep. Relaxed and at ease at last.

I used the opportunity and the hours ahead of me, to finally attempt to battle my own thoughts. Eventually succumbing, to the painful memories and emotions, Maria's arrival had elicited...

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**_A/N 2: _**Whoo...that took awhile! Thanks for reading, please review **:D**

**_Anonymous Reviews:_**

**_Meg – _**Hey! Thanks so much for reviewing. This is actually one of my fave parts in the book! I love Jesse's reaction when Suze rapidly tells him everything. Only to have him burst out laughing! It was a jazzy part :D I did a little cheer when I saw so many great reviews for the first chapter, lol. Thanks again and I really hope you enjoy this part. Take care... **: )**

**_Jessica – _**Hey right back atcha! Lol. Thank you for reviewing, I really appreciate it. Hehe, I try to update as quick as I can, sometimes RL gets in the way. But reading all the fantastic responses, definitely makes me try harder. Thanks again, take care :D

**_Coming in Chapter 3: _**Jesse battles with his memories. And reflects on the differences between Suze and Maria...

Thanks to **_Chaika2000_** for the idea **:D**


	3. Chapter 3

**_Disclaimer:_** Please see first chapter for disclaimer.

**_Rating:_** T

**_A/N: _**Ok, I have written this out 3 times only to have scrapped it, cos it didn't feel right. And this feels much better than my previous attempts, so I'm sticking with this one. I feel bad enough you all had to wait so long...I'm sowwy** :(**

But I hope you all enjoy it and it's worth the wait. And **THANK YOU** so much, for the amazing response to this story so far. Your reviews are great fun to read! **:D**

**_Recap:_** Jesse faces his past at long last. Coming to a few realizations and confirmations along the way...

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**_Chapter 3..._**

For the first time tonight - and longer still - I let all my sentiments I had kept away, come forth. Willingly letting them flood my senses. I'm sure they would have had me reeling backwards, should I have been standing. It was like a physical blow to my stomach, making it burn and twist. I could feel the heavy weight on my shoulders, making me fall back to rest my head on the wall behind me. Taking a deep unnecessary breath to ease the aching burden I let upon myself. The wash of feelings invading my mind were so powerful, I didn't know where to start. Settling my hands on the familiar feel of Spikes fur, I softly petted him, relishing the loud constant purr.

I had thought I had moved past my pain and anger towards Maria and Diego. That I had moved on from the distress and despair they had left me behind with. That had taken me so long to recover from. I knew there was no way for me to ever see them again. I couldn't undo, what has already been done. I couldn't enact my own justice or retribution that I could have done, when I was alive. My only choice had been to work with what had been thrust upon me and make do.

I had stopped thinking about them altogether. Saving myself the rage and all that entailed with thoughts of them. Of the circumstances of why, the actions of how. I had carefully buried them all away, never to be thought of again. I saw no use dwelling on my past. I ignored any contemplation trying to resurface and take over. They always threatened to pull me down into a deep endless despair and loneliness. It had taken time, for me to have walked away from those depressive feelings.

As time moved on with the world, I knew history would forget about me. And hopefully of Maria and Diego. Aiding and helping me further. I had given up wondering if anyone would ever see and speak to me. And I certainly hadn't anticipated anyone knowing of my death, let alone Maria and Diego's names. I had assumed history had paved over that. Our family were wealthy and known, but a lot had changed since I was alive. I had believed too much history had already passed in between my past and the present. When Susannah had spoke Maria's name, I couldn't keep the away the disbelief.

Nor could I ignore the reaction that followed Maria's name on her lips. Bringing forth all the emotions and memories I had skillfully hidden, never to speak of again. Knowing Maria was back and here, made my blood boil with fury. Because her lover would be close by, Felix Diego.

I closed my eyes against the fury I could feel building in my chest, hoping to block the rage. Only to be assaulted with a different kind of pain. The memory of that night, so long ago. It was as though I was a witness on the outside, carefully watching the proceedings going on in front of me. Powerless to stop, but unable to tear my mind away from the images and scene.

I saw a lone man standing at the dark window, looking out over the moonlight covered view. Bathed in a soft blue glow by the moon shining through the window. His arms are crossed over his chest, his hands in tight fists. His eyes are glazed over with distraction and fatigue. That his inevitable downfall. He has a dark frown upon his face, his lips pressed tightly together. His body is taught with tension, creating the air to crackle and tingle. His breathing is shallow and deep. He narrows his eyes as his thoughts keep rapidly firing around in his mind. Never giving him a reprieve. He should be resting, but his mind is to preoccupied to sleep.

I know his thoughts in his mind, because they were once my own. A lifetime time ago.

He's nervous, though you wouldn't think this at first glance. His anger with his supposed fiance, is sending shivers down his spine. Anger that it had to get this far. With what she was making him have to do. The fact that he is getting out, before it's too late, only eases his guilt marginally. He's sticking to his values and honouring his family for doing it this way. His morals are his own and do not connect with hers. He had heard rumors of Diego's shady deals, his corrupt and evil character. His sly and slick words, that no doubt has managed to get him what he wants many times. He was nothing short of a monster and she deserved him. Condoning all that his past entails, she still wishes to be with him.

Before he had the chance to get to know her better - if this would have come up - he would have fought for her. Tried harder. He would have been more willing to proceed with the wedding. To please his father and hers. Even after he received her letters and knew they didn't have anything in common, he still would not have entertained the thought of stopping the marriage. But this, this was different. He wasn't prepared to be made a fool of. For the disgrace to befall his family, following through with the betrothal. To have Maria use him. It did nothing but leave a bitter taste in his mouth, making him grimace even more.

He had thought long and hard about what he was going to do. His determination about finishing what had already been started. Travelling to their home, to speak with Maria and her father was the only graceful way to do it. To save everyone involved some dignity. He was raised to be a gentleman and that was how he was going to proceed to be. The journey to them would give him a chance to go over in his mind, what he was going to say when he got there. To prepare himself for their reactions.

The lone man at the window, is so lost in his thoughts, he doesn't hear the footsteps on the stairs. The person trying to be quiet and slow to not disturb anyone. Or to alert the owners of the house of his presence. The person that was unwanted and unannounced. He doesn't see the slither of light fall across his bare floor from the door being pushed open slightly. His thoughts and senses too distracted to notice his surroundings and his environment. He misses the slow shuffling across the hardwood floor. Skirting the lone brass bed with the brightly coloured quilt. Placed there to make the room seem more comfortable.

I desperately want to stop seeing. To stop being a third party to the horrible events playing out in lone man's mind.

The floorboards don't moan beneath the unwanted mans weight and the door didn't creak upon opening. The elements and fate against him that night. The contemplative mans only warning and chance is the silhouette making an appearance in the window beside his own. The man's mouth, with a dark moustache and goatee, stretched into a cruel satisfied smirk. His black eyes burning holes into his own in the glasses reflection. A thick leather belt, each end wrapped around either hand. Pulled taut with a smack. His smirk grows, close to eliciting an evil chuckle.

The first man has no time to process the image besides him. Not having the chance to wonder if he is a apparition, brought on by his own thoughts. An illusion or a figment of his imagination. That maybe he was more stressed and tired, than he thought he was. For as soon as the man with the evil grin knows he has been seen he pounces. Wiping all thought from his victims mind straight away. Save for the will to survive and fight.

With a lot of effort and need, I pull myself away, unwilling to see anymore of that particular memory. Already knowing what happens, the fight and struggle that had erupted. The ending never changes. Myself proof of that.

Tearing my eyes open, I search the room for any traces of what I had just seen. What my mind had insisted on showing me. Expecting to see bare wooden walls. A brass bed, a chest of drawers, anything. All I can focus on, is the large four poster bed before me. The calm, peaceful existence, only Susannah's room could be.

My breathing is labored and frantic. Making my chest heave with the power behind them. My hands planted either side of me on the daybed. My fists full of a soft smooth fabric, helping to pull me back to the present. My eyes are wild and scared, constantly scanning the room. Waiting for the humming in my ears to subside, so I can listen to the sounds around me. The last vestiges of my vision, creeping back to the dark recesses of my mind. Hopefully to never raise it's ugly, monstrous head again.

All I was left with, was the aftermath. Of the rush of anger and betrayal, holding my heart in a vice. Getting tighter and tighter. Making the waves of emotions rise to my throat, choking me with the mass of them. My hands are shaking with the strain and strength of my grip. Sure to leave creases in the sheet when I would be able to let it go. I blink rapidly, trying to clear my sight of the haze. Susannah's room coming into focus better with each passing second. Much to my relief. I let one of my hands loosen and release the sheet, feeling the phantom ache in my stiff fingers. I run my hand through my hair in a nervous gesture.

That memory was one I had hoped and prayed to never have to experience again. It was always the most difficult to endure. But tonight, it seemed even more powerful and intense. As though I was close to falling asleep and waking from a terrible nightmare. Which was exactly what it was. All due to hearing Maria's name being spoken and of her presence hear in this room the night before. I _knew_ all traces of her energy were gone. But it didn't stop the shivers running through me. All adding to the fuel, thrown on the fire. The blazing inferno roiling around in my stomach and my mind, keeping me close to letting it overflow.

Never prepared to let that happen in Susannah's presence, even if she is asleep, I made quick work of getting over to the window seat and the open window. Dislodging Spike from my lap in the process. With a meek cry, he settled back on the end of the daybed. The large strides I hoped would shake off the tension coiling through me. The familiar comfort of her cushions. The light cold breeze coming through the partially open window, soothed my frazzled nerves. I took large deep breathes in through my nose, releasing them out my mouth. Letting the cool air trickle down my throat, settling and dampening the fire in me. The moonlight infusing my soul and mind with calming light. I used the moon as my guide.

I should have known the emotions I had tried for so long to keep forgotten and buried, would escape one day. But I never could have anticipated Maria being the catalyst. The rage that came with finding out about my killers, was intensified with knowing that Maria had gone after Susannah and most probably would try again. If not directly then in other ways. Threatening the main person, to have given me back the nearest thing to a new life, anyone could.

Susannah is my best friend. She has given me with such joy and happiness from the short time I have known her, I couldn't bear the thought of Maria or Diego hurting her. Terrifying her. And they would, just to get to me. Go for the people that mean the most and are the closest. An unfair and unjust plan. Susannah is the innocent person in this whole situation. Maria and Diego are guilty for their sins and crimes. I am guilty for putting Susannah in this position in the first place. For letting get this far. Taking the blame upon myself, when I should have been settling it on _them_.

Turning my attention away from the window, I looked to Susannah. I could see the slow deep movements of her breathing. Her sleep tousled hair poking out of her covers. The calm atmosphere surrounding her. She was relaxed and peaceful. Resting just how she should be. Her concerns and worries leaving her, for the short time she is sleeping. No doubt to settle back down on her shoulders upon waking. The cares of the world, on someone so young. I can't help but think again, that if I had the power to take them upon myself - I would. In a heartbeat.

The sudden image of Susannah going against Maria hit me, making me chuckle out loud before I could stop it. The sound is hoarse with emotion and thick with regret. I wouldn't have thought that, if Maria hadn't of threatened Susannah. Trying to cover her tracks, because Susannah's step-father may or may not find my body. But then Maria wouldn't have had to of bothered coming back to threaten Susannah if she hadn't of killed me.

And then I wouldn't of met Susannah, my mind quietly supplied for me. If, buts and maybes, I hear my mothers voice say in my ear. Accompanying the quiet whisper.

Susannah. The complete opposite to Maria in so many ways, its a joy to see and reflect upon. I knew straight away from Maria's letters and from what I had seen in person, that Maria wasn't the one for me. And never would be. She was spiteful and demanding. Always expecting more of everyone attention, basking in it. For people to be talking about her, and her alone. So different from the girl asleep in front of me. Susannah would sooner hide away, than have the mass attention of everyone. More willing to put others before herself. To help those who are defenceless and vulnerable.

Brad's bullying behaviour, is a prime example. How she would quickly enact punishment on him, should she see him or anyone else for that matter, picking on and tormenting those they consider lesser than them. The same kind of behaviour I had seen Maria speaking to the servants in her home, or anywhere else. When she thought no-one would be looking, she would make scathing remarks, cast them glaring looks. The belittling way she would speak to them. It always made me look away in disgust. That someone could be so vicious.

Maria's whining and dependence on the father came to mind. How it would - most of the time - work in her favor to get what she wanted. She expected to be treated like royalty, to be pampered like a princess. Never concerning herself with meager tasks and chores. Leaving it to others to clean up behind her. Having nothing to worry about, other than what she was to wear to the next dinner invitation. Choosing her vanity over everything else. Including her education. As wealthy as her father was, Maria wasn't well educated. Not seeing a need for it. She knew she would inherit her fathers money and having Diego by her side, she needed not worry about frivolous acts like this, to her.

Susannah - even with the way the cultures are of today - is the most independent person I have ever met. She isn't afraid to make hard decisions, taking complete responsibility for her actions. Good or bad. Very few times, have I ever seen her turn to her mother or Father Dominic - myself even - for advice. Never asking for help. But begrudgingly when she did. I know this has stemmed from all the years she has had to do it alone. Having to learn on her own. To help Spirits move on. Often getting into trouble doing so. But even now, with a bigger family,and more support, she still chooses to carry her burdens alone as much as possible.

Susannah isn't prone to showing her true emotions. You have to look deeper to discover what she is hiding beneath the dark veil protecting her. To ask and be persistent. It is extremely rare, that she will openly speak to me with what is bothering her. To confide in me her concerns and worries. And I feel even more priveleged when she does. Like she is bestowing a secret, for me alone. The shock of her admittance this evening, is still ringing in my heart. Her fear and worry that I will move on. Leave her behind. The _sincerity _of her words and voice, bringing a small smile to my face. Her fears and worries that were unnecessary.

Maria on the other hand, would often used her emotions to her advantage. Crying would get her what she wanted faster and more willingly. Anger would scare those around her, making them fear and avoid her. Innocence would make her father forgive her, for whatever she had done to anger him. Sadness would make him offer to buy her what ever she wanted, just so he wouldn't see the false sadness in her eyes. She was a fine actress and a master at getting what she demanded. Except Diego. And she still found a way around that too.

Susannah is loyal to a fault, prepared to help and protect those around her. Willing to put her own life in danger to stop the hurt of someone she loves. Even when she would get severely injured herself. She is the most unselfish person I have ever had the chance to meet. Putting up with anything and everything fate throws at her. Including leaving everything she had ever known and loved, to move here with her mother. To a new home, school and family, so her mother could have her own happiness. Never complaining about it or asking for something in return.

Maria would sooner run from danger, to save herself. Even if it was someone she cared about who's life was in peril. I had always thought she would never be able to harm anyone. But after tonight, I now knew that wasn't true. She has the power in her to throw threats around, but she would never be able to defend herself. She doesn't have the courage and fortitude to face life and all it's problems alone. Maria wasn't loyal only deceptive. She wouldn't stand up for someone who could be in physical or emotional pain. Not for people she would class beneath her standards.

For all the differences and opinions I have of Susannah and Maria, one thing is blindly obvious and true. Susannah is something that Maria would never be. Something Maria could never hope to accomplice in the whole of her life. Something Susannah was born with and has only gotten stronger with time.

Strength and bravery.

Susannah has the power of taking my breath away with the stubborn, sometimes foolish _heroic _acts she has done, since I met her. Her actions speak louder than my words ever could. Susannah has the unwavering courage to run into a battle, where the chances of her getting hurt, are always too high.

But she will do it, with her head held high, her shoulders straight. And such a look of determination in her eyes, that it infuses me with the same confidence and chivalry.

A part of me always knew I had to walk this path of fate that destiny had laid out for me for a reason. I never knew why and sometimes my anger would be directed there too. But like everything else, I grew to accept it. To wait - albeit often impatiently - for the time to arrive, when I would know. And when I had met Susananh, it took me awhile to admit it to myself and to accept it then. That Susannah was the reason for my being here now. I was waiting to meet my best friend. For someone to give me the courage to face my fears. And more.

I sensed the smile appear on my face long before I felt the impact. A smile of understanding and of acceptance. Of sudden realization, that I had reached a new level of awareness within myself. That I never expected and asked for. But one that was more than welcome. I had overcome a storm of emotions and feelings within me tonight and I felt I had come out of it, a better and stronger person. Part in thanks to Susannah and her ability to touch people's lives with her fortitude and strength. One day I hope I can tell her as much.

I looked back to the view out the window, feeling lighter than I had felt all evening. Since the night before, if I was willing to admit it. I wasn't surprised to see the first signs of daylight on the horizon. The fog rolling up the hills, obscuring it slightly. The sun was far away from rising yet. But it was already making an impact on the land. I quietly closed the window, to stop Susannah from being cold when she woke. Just as I have done many times before.

I returned to the daybed I was using, to keep vigil of Susannah and any wayward spirits deciding to appear. Although I knew Maria or Diego wouldn't appear again tonight. Not while I was here. I picked David's book back up, hoping to lose myself in it but with no such luck. Heaving a sigh at my own weariness, I looked to Susannah's shelves instead. Hoping to find a book of interest there. I found one called, '_Bridges of Madison County' _and becoming enthralled with it, quite quickly. Much to my relief. Spike soon made his appearance on my lap again, purring contentedly.

With one last look around Susannah's room, making sure everything was where it should be and with nothing out of place, I settled back to enjoy my reading. The quiet voice in the back of my mind confirming my last thought. That I was where I was supposed to be. Knowing this now. And never willing to let it go...

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**_A/N 2:_** Thanks for reading! Please review **:D**

**_Anonymous Reviews:_**

_**Meg – **_Thanks as always for reviewing. So happy to know you enjoyed the previous chapter! I had lotsa fun writing it. Thanks again, take care **:D**

**_Satellite Falling – _**Thank you! I feel like it's getting better too. I'll read over my work a couple of times before I post it, but other than that, I try to avoid reading my previous chapters. I'm too scared, lol. I really am my own worst critique. But thanks so much for reviewing, I totally appreciate it. Take care **:)**

**_Hikari Reizumi – _**Hey! I hope your exams went ok** :) **No, no hiatus for me. Though you'd think it, with the amount of time it took me to write and post this one, hehe. I'm happy to know your enjoying these stories. I've said it once, I'll say it again, the response has blown me away! Lol. In answer to your question, I do use word and I used 5 pages typing this one. But they can differ between 6 and 8, sometimes more. I hope that helped. Thanks for reviewing, take care **:D**

**_Rhina – _**Hi! Thanks for taking the time to review, I really appreciate the feedback **:D** Take care **:)**

**_Coming In Chapter 4: _**Jesse gets wrongly ripped from our world, leaving a devastated and heartbroken Suze behind...


	4. Chapter 4

**_Disclaimer:_** Please see first chapter for disclaimer.

**_Rating:_** T

**_A/N: _**Hey y'all! Sorry it's been a while, but it's here now, lol. Thanks for all the reviews and response to the last chapter. I wasn't completely happy with it and I had some trouble with parts of this. I was really looking forward to this book and some of it has been totally fun, but it's continuing to be a pain with some parts, lol. But hopefully this will suffice. I'm bound and determined to make the next one **_SNAZZYJAZZY!_ : )**

Just a quick note. I have tried to keep Jesse's experience in the Shadowland as simple as possible. I don't want to offend anyone with what it might be like. We all have our different views on Heaven/Re-incarnation etc. So I hope it doesn't upset anyone. This is just _my_ view of it **: )**

I hope you enjoy **:D**

**_Recap: _**Jesse enjoys a calm day reading in Susannah's room. Until someone takes fate into their own hands, ripping him from Suze forever...

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**_Chapter 4..._**

Susannah woke early the next morning still looking tired and rumpled, but minus the heavy weight she seemed to have been carrying around the last couple of days. Now I knew the reason why I could understand. I had tried furtively to not laugh too loud reading my book whilst I was waiting for her to wake. Having to put my hand over my mouth in a fruitless endeavour to be quiet. Finding the book it to be highly entertaining and a effective way of relieving me of my thoughts. Thankfully I hadn't woken Susannah from her much needed sleep.

I quickly excused myself from Susannah's room so she could have her privacy once she was alert enough to move from her bed. I left Spike where he was, still sleeping on the day bed. Curled into a tight orange ball softly purring is his sleep induced haze. His tail and ears twitching every so often like someone was tickling his sensitive fur.

I waited in Susannah's family room looking to the bookshelves for another book. I had made quick work of my current one and wanted something else to occupy my mind. I decided to stay in Susannah's room for the day, should Maria decide to make an appearance. Even though Susannah wouldn't be there I knew there were other ways Maria could have her revenge. I wasn't prepared to leave her house at least slightly un-guarded.

Susannah would be at work all day easing my concern at Maria showing up to her there. I knew Susannah could handle herself fine. And I also knew Maria wouldn't do anything to draw attention to herself. I just hoped and prayed, Diego didn't decide to make a show either. As strong as Susannah is, I knew she wouldn't be a match for him. His strength far surpassing her own.

I shook off the the pensive feelings and concerns that seemed to be a constant around me and returned my attention back to my book search. I had meant to ask Susannah to speak with Father Dominic and see if there was any reading material he could recommend for me. I didn't think it would be appropriate for me to go and speak to him myself. Not while he is at school. I had run out of Susannah's school books and her mothers reading material wasn't the kind of category I wished to read. Her stepfather had a couple I have read but he didn't seem to have many others.

David was the only other person in the house with a bountiful supply. Ranging from different subjects and matter. Most being thick, complicated texts but were a pleasure to try and read. It still surprises me that at his age he can fully understand them. They have often made me wonder and question some of what is written. I would have enjoyed speaking to him about them, but I didn't think he would find my sudden presence very welcoming. I knew it frustrated Susannah having to answer my constant array of questions I put forth to her. But it never stopped her from answering them.

I mentally shook myself, coming back to the task at hand. I seemed to wander off into more thoughts of Susannah of late. It was becoming distracting and a regular occurrence. One I needed to get in control of soon. As if hearing my thoughts, I distinctly heard the sounds of her feet thumping down the stairs. A persistent edge to her movements. A good indication that she had something on her mind. It hadn't taken me too long to notice and interpret Susannah's moods. Or that her choice of clothing would often reflect how she was feeling.

The same could be said for her footsteps. If she was troubled – like now – her footsteps would be loud and determined. Sure in her decision and her journey. Secure in the confidence she has for herself and her abilities. When she was happy, her steps would be light and gently. Almost like she was floating. But I knew why Susannah was troubled and I couldn't blame her.

I turned in time to see her confidently stroll across the room, dressed in her work uniform she detested so much. I had heard her grumbling about it numerous times over the summer. About the shorts with pleats, a hint of disgust in her tone each time she mentioned them. Always followed by her displeasure at not being able to wear her new summer clothes or shoes. I would listen to each comment choosing to keep quiet in case her wrath should be directed my way. Somethings – I knew – were best left unsaid.

Susannah didn't see me as she marched across her family room heading for the kitchen. I had made myself unseen to her to ward off her queries of what I was doing. I had turned back to my search with a new persistence, only to be broken out of it by the sound of Susannah shrieking in the kitchen. Shortly followed by a lot of foul curses spewing from the what sounded like Brad. I watched shocked and curious as Jake ran into the room followed by his own loud exclamations and his fathers seconds after.

Deeply intrigued and a little bit worried of what was happening in the other room, I soon found myself there. The scene I came across was one of utter chaos and drama. I had arrived just in time to see Susannah pick a carton of juice up off the floor, running to the sink with her arm outstretched and away from her. The carton clutched in her hand and Brad right on her heels. I looked down to see the mess sure to have been made, knowing that couldn't have been what scared her. Much to my surprise I didn't find spilt juice. I found hundreds of bugs in stead. Instantly finding the source of Susannah's screams.

After throwing the carton full of bugs into the sink, Susannah hit a button for the disposal. I saw the look of revulsion and horror on her beautiful face, marring her expression in to a twisted frown. Brad was spitting in to the sink clawing at his throat with his eyes wide and terrified. "Ohmygawd!" He yelled, standing beside Susannah. "Ohmyfreakingawd." With expletive's that would have made my sisters' ear's burn.

I noticed Jake and his father could only stand there in astonishment, not knowing where to look first. I could see Susannah had paled slightly and her hands were shaking by her side looking down at the bugs that had escaped the carton and the sink. She watched them creep closer to her feet before finally snapping out of her disgust. I saw the look of determination come into her eyes the same time I heard her shout. "Step on them!"

Her yell seemed to break Jake and Susannah's step-father out of the disbelieving haze they were in. Instantly starting to stamp on the insects running across their feet, trying to escape their fate and the looming shoe heading for them. Susannah had a wild look in her eye stepping on as many bugs as possible. I could see the effort she was making at holding back even more shrieks. I was surprised she was still standing there and not on the kitchen counter-tops. Her hate for anything small and fast being that high. The shock that she had willingly picked up the full carton still hadn't worn off.

By the time they were finished trying to kill them all, the kitchen wasn't a pleasant scene. Brad had run off quickly after, groaning and looking slightly green. A very unhealthy colour to his face. His hands shaking just as much as Susannah's were. Leaving Jake his father and Susannah to clean up the aftermath. Susannah quickly explained to her stepfather and Jake exactly what had happened, leaving me angered and sick. She told of how she was about to get a glass of orange juice when Brad beat her to it. Opening the new carton and tipping it to his mouth expecting to have cold liquid fill his throat. Only to find the juice had been replaced with bugs.

And so the shouting and bedlam had erupted. I knew just who had done it as soon as she had finished her tale. Maria. Her horrific way of trying to punish Susannah no doubt. She couldn't go to her directly, so she attacked her another way. All because Susannah hadn't done what she demanded of her. Whether Maria had intended for the victim of this vile plan to have been Susannah or not the outcome was still the same. Because now Maria had targeted her family and I knew Susannah wouldn't be so willing to stand back and listen to what she had to say next time. I knew Susannah wouldn't hesitate from fighting back now.

I didn't stick around to observe them clean up the mess. It wasn't a very nice thing to have to do and Susananh's face at having to do it, was too excruciating to watch. I stopped by the shelves in the living room - picking up the book I had chosen – before then returning to the sanctuary of Susannah's room again.

I stood before the window once I had arrived, pressing my lips together to stop myself muttering a curse. I watched the fog slowly recede thanks to the summer sun. I wished it would take my dispirited feelings with it. I hadn't quite expected Maria to have made a move so soon. I realized I wouldn't have known if I hadn't of been downstairs already. I didn't know what I was going to do yet. The thought of going directly to her had crossed my mind. But I knew without too much effort, that she wouldn't appreciate my visit or listen to me. All I could do was stand by Susannah's side when at all possible. And stop her from hunting down Maria on her own. A plan I'm sure to have crept across her mind straight after she discovered who had set up that revolting act.

I heard Spike let out a meek cry making me turn to look at him. I watched as he stretched his paws out, waking from his long nap at last. With another cry - this one stronger than the last – he padded over to my position, jumping on to the soft cushions demanding my attention. Breaking out of my troublesome thoughts and into a soft smile, I granted my beloved pet what he craved. Rubbing his one ear and his whiskers. Almost instantly he broke out in to loud rumbles of purring. Flopping down on to the cushions with all four of his paws in the air. I chuckled at his display, taking comfort from something so normal and heartfelt.

I sat beside him, laying my book I had chosen next to me. I planned on reading it but not until I had given Spike more of my attention. His loud boisterous purrs always filled me with a small glow. The soft feel of his tan fur. The slight vibrations running through him from his purrs of ecstasy. His playful swatting of my hand, glaring at me when I took it away. All making me smile harder.

It wasn't long before he fell asleep again curled up by my thigh. His purrs slowly residing to complete silence. Not willing to sit in the quiet with nothing to hold my attention, I picked up the new book I had acquired. Hoping – as an afterthought - that it wouldn't be missed. I heard and saw Susannah and Jake rushing out of the house on their way to work, their pace hurried and anxious. No doubt running behind because of the incident in the kitchen not long before.

For the better part of the day that was where I stayed. Spike left me for most of it choosing to enjoy the fresh air and warm sun. But he soon joined me again later in the afternoon, his demands for more attention quickly heeded. I had gotten up and stretched my legs a couple of time through out the day, going down to see how Susannah's stepfather and brother were progressing in the garden. Still secure in the knowledge that if they found anything, it wouldn't affect me. I quietly watched for a while before returning to Susannah's room, my senses always open and waiting.

I had seen Jake return from work the usual time he finished but minus Susannah in tow. I didn't worry too much realizing she was probably with her friends. But safe. I would see her when she returned, hoping she hadn't had any kind of contact with Maria or anymore disturbing incidents during the day. Slightly anxious to see her myself for visual proof.

Just as I was turning my attention back to my book, I felt a low rumbling growl coming from Spike beside me. It was a low deep and menacing sound, so different from his usual purring. He was tense and alert, slowly climbing to his paws besides me. His back was arched with a ridge of erect hair along his spine. His tail was bushy and swinging rapidly from side to side. Shocked I noticed his eyes were wide and as black as the night. His teeth were bared and the growls and hisses were only getting stronger. His whole body was shaking with his growling.

I was about to reach out and pet him but he turned around and quickly rushed out the open window. Leaving me extremely confused by his sudden reaction. His feet were scraping along the roof trying to get purchase and away quickly. I only caught a flash of his tan fur - in the tree - before he was gone from my sights. I felt the alarm start to seep in. I had only seen him have that reaction when Max the family dog was about. Or another spirit.

It seemed like minutes – but was only seconds – after, that I started to feel something tugging at the edge of my mind. Almost like a physical pull as though someone was trying to draw me to them. I listened intently picking up on the soft chanting voice of someone. They sounded young and tremulous. The words unclear to me. Like a soft whisper on a breeze - long ago spoken - but only just reaching me. I could see the edges of my vision start to blur, slowly making their way in to a red haze. My ears felt blocked, denying any sound other than the chant to reach me. My skin was staring to tingle with the awareness.

The chanting was becoming louder as though it was coming from my own mind. I couldn't make out what was being said and couldn't seem to keep my concentration. For the first time since Spike ran away did the fear start to take hold of me. I could feel it weighing down on me like a lead weight. The feeling of absolute loss of power and control cementing my terror and dread. I couldn't send out my senses like I could so easily do before. I tried furtively to go somewhere else. To take myself out of Susananh's room and away from the panic. To escape the voice and chanting. Part of me knew what was happening, but unwilling and unable to admit it. To face the cold truth and horror.

With that last thought and overbearing emotion I was gone from Susannah's room. Whisked away from my sanctuary, my haven. The red haze that had been clouding my vision was all around me now winding through my legs and creeping up my body and arms. Blocking my view and escape. The chanting was becoming more persistent. The person was putting such force behind the words enforcing them. My mind refused to accept what was slowly filtering through. I tried stubbornly to hold on to some kind of connection some lucid thought; but I was fighting a losing battle.

I could only look to the void and dark hole above me. The deep endless darkness waiting to pull me in. Eager to take me from my existence here on Earth. Away from all I have ever known and lived for. I was starting to feel lighter almost weightless. The words in the chant sealing my fate. I tried to refuse them. To deny what was happening to me. My will slipping more and more each time. Until finally with one last wave of sorrow and fear I was pulled away from this world and cast into unknown.

* * *

The last thing I remembered feeling was the dark creeping void pulling me into it's clutches. The cold iciness and the enveloping quiet. The oppressive feelings of loneliness making my skin crawl. The biting realization of what was happening and by who. Till absolute nothing. No sound, no voice and chanting. The hazy red smoke was no more. Just the bright calming thoughts and feelings trying to fill me. It was as though I had awoken from a nightmare and brought to the deepest most peaceful part of my mind.

When I had opened my eyes all I could see was bright light. Streams of pure contentment flowing all around, trying to seep into me. To fight away the grief and sorrow I so resolutely held on to. The emotions that were all I had left with me, unwilling to let them go just yet. Not until I was ready to accept this as my fate now. The realization of what had happened clear and precise in my mind. I knew I needed to pull myself out of my despair. To face where I was.

As my eyes became more focused and used to the brightness I became more aware of my surroundings. I was lying down, looking up at the bright blue sky so close but so far away. Seeing flashes of colour shooting across it every so often. I turned my head to the side hoping to see more, only to see nothing but fog swirling around my prone form. It wasn't cold like I expected it to be. Nor did it leave my clothes damp. It was just a calm mist swirling in and amongst itself. Creating patterns and art in its wake. I concentrated on the display before me, letting my mind slowly catch up to me. Finally becoming the most alert I had been since before my...leaving.

I didn't even know how much time had passed since I had been ripped away. How long the process has taken. It seemed to go on for so long, but I knew this wasn't the case. Somehow I knew time wasn't a concept here. Hours, days, weeks; they didn't exist. They all just flowed in to one smooth moment after the other. A tiny ripple on the surface of a lake. Content, peaceful and harmonious. All the emotions my heart and soul wanted to avoid and turn away from. To give me _time_ to come to terms with my pain and hurt.

I sat up, hoping to rid myself of the grief and the ache hounding me. Looking around I hoped to see something familiar. Or a way out of this nightmare. I hoped and prayed this was just a dream and that I would wake to find everything back to normal. To be in Susannah's room, talking and laughing with her. Where I was happy, relaxed and content. Where I knew I belonged. Instead of being in this place of peace. Far from how I was feeling. I didn't want to be here. I wasn't ready to leave her.

Pursing my lips and squaring my shoulders against the taunting voice in my mind, I stood to my full height. The one smooth motion barely disrupting the mist around my ankles. I could see large thick pillars standing tall and imposing in different places around me. All spaciously parted, going on for as far as I could see. The light never diminishing on the horizon, just stretching on and on. A pure ethereal glow in all directions. There was no sign of anyone or anything. No voices or sounds around me. Just quiet.

Sighing I walked over to the pillar nearest to me hesitating slightly. I was expecting it to be made of nothing, just an apparition and to disappear on my gentle contact. But I pushed aside the thought and slowly and cautiously I reached my hand out, surprised to feel the cold texture of solid marble beneath my hand. I glided my palm over the surface, amazed at the cool touch. A small smile almost touching the edges of my lips. I could see the faint silver flaws riddling the stone. The significance of seeing something so naturally flawed in a place flowing with peace and calm was not lost on me.

Breaking away from the wonders and views around me, I couldn't suppress a large sigh. I was still alone with just the quiet and the curling mists. Dejected I dropped my hand to my side, turning to lean against the pillar. Using it as a support physically and emotionally. I caught the quick flash of pink out of the corner of my eye turning just in time to see it disappear in to the sky. To join the other array of colours.

There was no denying it was a beautiful place. The large pillars stationed around never casting any shadows or darkness. Just a tall striking strength. Infusing me with my own energy and might. The colours streaming across the large expanse of sky were bright and elegant. Most I have never seen before but for in my dreams. The amazing sight was casting streams of rainbows across the mist at my feet. Coiling in between the patterns and art, creating a backdrop of tranquility.

But still I couldn't accept it. I couldn't enjoy and relish in the serene views and air. I couldn't let in the calm and happiness I should be feeling for being in this heavenly place. I didn't know where I was. If this was a step along towards the next part. Or where I was finally supposed to be. Where every spirit is sent once they have moved on. Is this where I would have come, should I have moved on straight away.

I didn't wish to be here. To have moved on yet. I know I wasn't ready let go. But I wasn't given the choice. _She_ hadn't given me the choice. She had taken the decision away from me. Stripping me of the option to stay by her side, or move on to what was waiting for me. What ever that may be. Taking my fate into her own hands. Leaving me behind with the hurt and the memory.

Question after question rushed through my mind, battling to be addressed and acknowledged. The only one I desperately want to know the answer too; why Susannah would do this to me? I can remember her tear stricken face that night that seems so long ago now. She told me her fears of me leaving her. I could see the sadness in her deep emerald eyes, glistening with un-shed tears. She had worried for _me_. She had looked at me with such vulnerability, I had taken her into my arms. I had seen fear in her eyes that night.

So why would she wish to do this to me, leaving us both hurt and in pain?

I shut my eyes away from the question. Determined to stamp down on the anguish and grief swelling in my chest I stood upright from my slouched position on the pillar. Refusing to let it take control. To be stronger. I banished the question from my mind knowing there was no way they would be answered now. No way for me to go back and discover the truth. To see her one last time, even to say goodbye. Opening my eyes again, I knew they would be cold and hard to look in to.

Swallowing down the rise of emotion swelling in my throat I took a anticipated look around me. Trying to decide whether or not to start walking around. To see if I could find anything to help me discover my new home or future. Somewhere with answers. I didn't know whether I should stay where I was. Or if I started walking would it be sealing my fate, or not. Would I be stuck her forever.

I never got the chance to find out. Before I had the opportunity to think through my options and decisions, I found myself standing somewhere completely different. All happening so quickly and swiftly and without my knowing, I had to wait for my mind to catch up again. When it finally did, I was shocked by the drastic change of scenery. Gone was the bright peaceful light and tall strong pillars. Gone were the flashes of colour shooting across the blue sky like stars. The air of peace and calm was swept away along with the glowing soft mist. The endless stretch of white, that seemed to go on forever.

Surprised, I found myself standing beneath the blackest night sky I had ever witnessed. The stars were so clear and so many they took my breath away. The sight was beautiful and stunning. I willingly let the smallest smile break through my defences. The first one I had dared wear since I was taken. Looking to my feet I saw the floor obscured by a mist thicker and darker than where I was before. Creating the same swirls around my ankles as before. The quiet was palpable, but not unnerving. Looking before me I could see a hallway stretching on endlessly filled with closed doors. They all looked the same. All made of the same thick hard ageless wood. No light or sound coming from behind them.

I had no idea why I was here, or where I was supposed to go. I knew I hadn't taken myself here though. I knew it was someone or something else that had brought me here. But the question was who? The doors to the sides of me were all clear with no signs attached. Turning on the spot I looked behind me hoping for a different option. I was relieved and grateful to see the hallway only seemed to stretch on one way. Leaving the other free to roam with no boundaries. I took my chances with this direction and avoiding the doors, not wishing to find out what laid beyond them for me.

Hesitantly and wary I took a cautious step forward. Slowly gaining a little courage with each step and progress, I picked my pace up a little. The feeling of anticipation was making my skin tingle and the hair raise on the back of my neck. The feeling grew with each passing second. But the quicker my steps became, the more it seemed I wasn't making any progress. Everything looked the same. The stars seemed to move and change with each glance. I could feel the frustration starting to creep to the edges of my consciousness.

I felt a faint tingle run through me suddenly. The same feeling and rush I got when I could sense a spirit about to appear before me. The hope that I would finally be able to see someone. To have my questions answered, to just be able to speak to someone at last, was instantly forgotten as soon as the person I could feel approaching, made themselves known to me.

I stopped my steps so quickly I nearly lost my balance. I blinked a few times, resisting the urge to reach up and rub my eyes to clear my vision and try again. My breathing hitched considerable. The shock and surprise that came over me, were more powerful than when I had first woke up. The fear swiftly following behind. I made no effort to clear or school my expression. Or to hide my emotions that I knew were on show. I could only to stand and look disbelievingly at who was standing before me.

"Oh," Susannah said, slightly sheepish. "Hi."

The most terrifying part of seeing Susannah standing before me, was the spectral glow she was giving off. The same glow I had only ever seen...on a ghost...

* * *

**_A/N 2: _**Thanks for reading, please review **: )**

**_Anonymous Reviews –_**

**_Hikari Reizumi –_** Wow...blushes thanks! It blew me away reading your review **:D **Lol, yea the kiss scene is going to be fun. Only one more chapter to go before we're there! Whoo...hehe. I'm glad I could help too. And thanks again for the review **: )** Take care.

**_Meg –_** Thanks as always! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I can't believe we're nearing the end already...gasp But the next chapter, I am going to have so much fun writing **:D** Take care.

**_9 -_** Thank you for taking the time to review **:D** I really appreciate any and all feedback. The last chapter and this one have been really hard for me to write. And I wasn't completely happy with it either. So I'm sorry about that. And thank you for the advice, its always handy and really helps **: ) **I'm glad your enjoying the story so far and for reassuring me I've captured Jesse right. He has his moments, lol. I hope you continue to enjoy the rest of the series **: )** Thanks again, take care.

**_Coming in Chapter 5:_**Jesse and Suze fight against the clock to save Suze's soul. And Jesse has a final chance to repay his killer...


	5. Chapter 5

**_Disclaimer:_** Please see first chapter for disclaimer.

**_Rating:_** T

**_A/N: _**Hey y'all! Me again, lol. Here's the loonngg chapter I promised ya. I had fun writing some of it, but as usual some parts decided to be a pain. There's only so much reading, re-reading and re-reading again of a long chapter like this I can take, lol. I had to get my inflatable hammer out and knock it all into shape** ;D **But I definitely had fun writing the parts with Jesse/Paul and Jesse/Diego...** :D**

But anyway thanks so much for all the continued** YA!'s** with these stories...makes me smile **BIG! **Lol. **SNAZZYJAZZYLICIOUSNESSESS** hugs to you all** :) **I hope it's OK and halfway near what you hoped for **:D**

_**Recap: **_Jesse fights to save Suze before it's too late. In the meantime, having a run-in with Paul Slater and finally getting to re-pay Diego...

* * *

**_Chapter 5..._**

I didn't know what to say, what to think. All I continued to do was stand before Susannah trying to blink through my disbelieving haze. Each time hoping my vision would be altered somehow. Changed, shifted. For my mind to be deceiving me. Something other than my consciousness supplying me with the solution to why I was so confused. The possibility of Susannah standing before me being because she was dead.

My heart instantly seized in my chest at that cruel thought. To have been through so much already, only to have her standing before me now and glowing with her own energy. I had so many thoughts and actions running through my mind, all battling for dominance and control. The shock of seeing Susannah here and hearing her sheepish voice echoing around the empty space. The rush of cold terror making my skin tingle. My incredulous surprise written clear in my face. The fear darkening my eyes considerable. My sight had once again becoming hazy with mist and the corridor with all those old wooden doors dropped away, leaving my sight with only the beautiful radiant girl before me.

I opened my mouth to speak, the words sounding as though they were coming from a distance on a faraway dream. The sound of my own voice jolted me from my fear and terror rousing my mind and senses back to the here and now. And the problem before me.

"Susannah," I let slip on a breath filled with anxiety. "What are you doing here? Are you – you're not – "

Susannah let out a laugh that jangled my nerves. Making my skin tingle with the tension emanating from the sound. "Dead? Me? No, no, no. No. I just, um, I came up here because I wanted to, um, you know, see if you were all right..."

Instantly thrown back into my daze from only seconds before, I let the sheer and utter relief flow over me at the truth. Letting her response fill me with such warmth and alleviation that I wanted to laugh out loud with the release. To let the pent up pressure go as swiftly as it had appeared. My own laugh no doubt matching that of Susannah's; nervous and agitated.

Before it finally occurred to me what she had just said. That she had gone through this, just to make sure I was all right. That I was where I wanted to be. The realization of where I was and how I had gotten here hit me so hard I took a step backwards with the pain. Now fully enforced and growing. Facing the one person I trusted my dreams and secrets to. The same person I thought had taken me away from all that I had known and cared for. The ache and throb was worse now I was face to face with her.

"Um," Susannah continued after a lengthy pause and an awkward silence. "See, the thing is, I wanted to make sure you were here because you wanted to be. Because if you don't want to be, well, Father Dom and I thought maybe it would be possible for you to come back. To, um, finish whatever it is, you know, that was keeping you down there. In my world, I mean. Our world," She corrected herself. "Our world, I mean."

The whole time Susannah spoke, she found it extremely hard to make eye contact with me. Her gaze constantly flickering to anything else but me. Skittering around the fog covering us both. Her words were rushed and tremulous. But I thought I could hear a distinct tone in her voice. One that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

Her rambling words left me confused and disorientated. Her rapid fire answer only serving to ask more questions rather than answering them. I shook my head trying to assimilate what she had just told me. Of her silent hope I would to return home. That I _could_ return with her. Her voice was shy and insecure. Quiet, as if afraid to hear the frisson of anticipation I could see in her deep emerald depths. The sincerity of her statement was bright and overwhelming to me. The hope I saw in her eyes was determined and vulnerable. And for the first time since this horrendous situation happened – I began to wonder if it was Susannah who had done this at all.

"Susannah," I spoke. My words tainted with the pain and hurt I was feeling. "Weren't you the one who sent me here." Swallowing my own emotions, I managed to choke out the question.

"What? What are you talking about?" Susannah gaped at me, herself taken by surprise at my own uncertain words.

"Didn't you," I asked slowly, affliction etching every moment. My emotions rising to the surface trying to break through and show themselves. I resolutely held onto my stubborn will to not let Susannah see me like that. "have me exorcised?"

Her reaction and exclamations were instant and surprising. Her own shock that I had assumed it was Susannah that had caused this to happen. She was the only person I knew who would have the power to do it. Father Dominic - although unhappy with our arrangement - would never have done this to me. At least not without speaking with me about it. He would have performed a the correct exorcism for me too. But I also didn't know any other Mediators. Susannah and the priest being the only two I had ever met.

Seeing Susannah's crestfallen reaction the guilt and remorse quickly added to the battle of emotions stirring inside me. That I could even think so little of Susannah was heavy enough. But at the time my mind was unwilling and unable to come up with any other alternatives. No other possibilities of who could have done this. I just knew I had been ripped away without a second thought. And the hurt was so immense, it was almost a physical pang.

But for the first time since I had been here, I could finally see a ray of hope and faith shining on my tormented soul. In the guise of Susannah. And all because of what she said next.

"Me?" Susannah's voice shrilled. Indignant and shocked. "_Me? _Jesse, of course not. I would never do that. I mean, you know I would never do something like that. That kid Jack did it. Your girlfriend Maria made him do it. She was trying to get rid of you. She told Jack you were bothering me, and he didn't know any better, so he exorcised you, and then Felix Diego threw me off the porch roof, and Jesse, they found your body, I mean your bones, and I saw them and I threw up all over the side of the house, and Spike really misses you and I was just thinking, you know, if you wanted to come back, you could, because that's why I've got this rope, so we can find our way back."

It was only by practice and sheer concentration that I was able to understand what Susannah was telling me she was speaking so fast. Never stopping to take a breath the whole time. Her speech and voice alternating between exuberant and astonished before settling on nervousness. Her words all mingling into one long piece of information raising my hope higher and higher.

I hid my own shock at being told it was Maria who had executed the plan to have me taken away. That she would pull a poor innocent and defenceless boy into her wicked games. Surprised that she would go to such lengths to be ridden of me again. I could taste the bitter and vile anger towards Maria and Diego for the suffering they not only put myself through, but more importantly Susannah.

"That is," She continued, completely oblivious to my own musings. "if you want to come back. I could see why you'd want to stay here. I mean, after a hundred and fifty years and all, it's probably a relief. I imagine they'll be moving you along soon, and you'll be getting a new life, or going up to heaven, or whatever. But I was just thinking, you know, it wasn't fair of Maria to do what she did to you – twice – and that if you want to come back and figure out what it was you were, you know, doing down there on earth for so long, well, I'd just give you a hand, if I could."

Pulling myself out of my ponderings, I watched Susannah carry on with her plight. Keeping my expression impassive I waited patiently for Susannah to continue, sure that she would. She looked down to a watch hanging off of her delicate wrist her face bordering on boredom as she observed it.

"The only thing is," She said, meeting my eyes fully for the first time since we had encountered each other. "I can be separated from my body for half an hour before I wind up permanently detached, and we only have fifteen minutes left. So you have to hurry up and decide. What's it gonna be?"

Susannah stood before me her hands planted on her hips, tossing her hair over her shoulder. Her demeanour cool, reserved and withdrawn. It was then that the reality and consequences took a hold of me. I felt my eyes widen in shock and dismay. Then anger wiped clean away every other emotion, taking root in my stomach twisting and boiling. My mind assaulting me with all that Susannah had just said, repeating over and over again.

Before I could stop myself I reached forward laid my hand on Susannah's arm instantly feeling the rush and tingle race through my entire being. At having this contact with Susannah, for the first time since the night I swore to protect and never leave her side. The contact enforced that all she just told me was real and not a dream. That Susannah really was standing before me with her spectral glow illuminating her detached expression. And that the ramifications of her actions were a lot closer to coming true than I was comfortable with.

"Susannah," I said, slow and deliberately. "Are you saying you _died_ for me?" I couldn't keep the anger from my voice. Furious that she would do this to herself – risk losing her _life_– to save my own soul. The deep appreciation I felt for her giving me the option of such, was over powered at the threat to her own life in exchange. I wasn't happy about being here, but I would accept my fate if it would mean Susannah got to live hers. To have the life she deserves to have.

"Um," Susannah paused, raising her eyebrows at the force of my words. "Well, not technically. Yet. But if we hang around here much longer – "

I didn't even let her finish her sentence before the grip I had of her arm tightened. Followed with a swift order. "Let's go."

"Jesse," Susannah said, not even deigning to appear as if she was going to move. "I can find my own way back, okay? I'm like this with the gatekeeper." Crossing her fingers in an attempt I assumed was to calm my anger and my fears. "If you want to go back, that's fine, but if you just want to walk me back to my hole, believe me, I can get there on my own."

Starting to lose my patience slightly, all I could give was a simple reply. "Susannah. Shut up."

Still making sure to keep a firm hold of her arm I reached forward to seize the cord of the rope tied around her slender waist and followed it back in the direction of where Susannah had come. Leaving the corridor of doors and my own holding place behind us.

It didn't take too long for Susannah to resume her constant flow of talk. Obviously picking up on my apprehension and anger towards yet another perilous situation she had found herself in. The difference being that this time it was because of me it was happening. The anger was towards myself more than her. But there was no time for apologies and excuses to my behaviour. Time was something Susannah didn't have.

"Jesse, don't flatter yourself that I did this for you. I mean, it has been nothing but one giant pain in the neck, having you for a room-mate. Do you think I like having to come home from school or from work or whatever and having to explain stuff like the Bay of Pigs to you? Believe me, life with you is no picnic."

I made sure not to utter a sound as Susannah kept rambling on behind me. I tried in vain to ignore her and concentrate on following the rope. On looking for any sign of the hole Susannah had mentioned coming here through. Of praying we would find it before it was too late for her to be saved. But her words still cut through to me. Sneaking through my defences and sitting in the front of my thoughts.

"Or what about Tad?" She continued persistent. "I mean, you think I like having you tag along on my dates? Having you out of my life is going to make things a lot simpler, so don't think, you know, I did this for you. I only did it because that stupid cat of yours has been crying its head off. And also because anything I can do to make your stupid girlfriend mad, I will."

"_Nombre de Dios_, Susannah," I muttered, finally giving in and unwilling to let that comment slide. "Maria's not my girlfriend."

"Well, she certainly used to be," Susannah pressed on, making me clench my jaw and battle to stay relatively calm. Despite the distinct lack of severity of her words as she concluded. "And what about that, anyway? That girl is a full-on skank, Jesse. I can't believe you ever agreed to marry her. I mean, what were you thinking, anyway? Couldn't you see what she was like underneath all that lace?"

"Things," I said in return. Talking through gritted teeth at Susannah's abrasive attitude. "were different back then, Susannah." Not stopping in my perusal for her way home. The way home for both of us. Susananh's words echoing in my ears. Her plea that she was only doing this for Spike rebounding off my mind. Cutting through despite how unconvincing she sounded to me.

"Oh yeah? So different that you couldn't tell the girl you were about to marry was a big old – "

"I hardly knew her." Finally losing all patience with Susannah's provoking taunting and her disgust at the thought of my marriage to Maria, I hurled her to a stop in front of me. Cutting her off from another insult soon to spring forth. "All right?" I said, glaring down at her. Frustrated at her lack of help in my search to save her self.

"Nice try," Susannah said defiantly. "You two were cousins. Which is a whole other issue which, if you really want to know, completely grosses me – "

"Yes, we were cousins," I interrupted her, trying to cut short this impromptu argument. I gave her arm a little shake, hoping to bring her back to the present problem at hand. Back to the seriousness surrounding her. "But like I said before, things were different back then, Susannah. If we had more time, I'd tell you – "

But I should have known she would not have just let it go right then. I knew she would dig her heels in and stubbornly persist an answer to all her queries. Ones that I'm sure have been burning a hole in her mind since we had first met. I could feel the precious seconds passing against Susannah as we stood locked in a battle of wills.

"Oh, no, you don't. We still have – " Breaking off to check the watch adorning her wrist and making eye contact with me again. " – twelve minutes left. You tell me now."

"Susannah – " I tried.

"_Now_, Jesse, or I swear, I'm not budging." Susannah said, pressing her lips into a thin line. Her eyes glaring sparks at me.

I didn't try to hold back the groan of frustration that tore from my throat, dropping my head to my chest slightly defeated. Muttering a curse under my breath I finally raised my eyes back to Susannah.

"Fine," I said dropping her arm and running my hand through my hair. I made sure to keep hold of the rope that was literally Susannah's lifeline. "You want to know? You want to know how it was back then? I was different, all right? California was different. Completely different. There was none of this mingling of the sexes. Boys and girls did not play together, did not sit side by side in classrooms. The only time I was ever in the same room with Maria was at meals, or sometimes dances. And then we were surrounded by other people. I doubt I ever heard her speak more than a few words – "

"Well they were evidently pretty impressive ones, since you agreed to marry her." Susannah interrupted me. If I hadn't of known better, I would have thought she was jealous. But I quickly dismissed that thought and heaved a weary sigh of annoyance. Exclaiming another curse I continued with what Susannah wanted to know.

"Of course I agreed to marry her," I said. "My father wanted it, her father wanted it. How could I say no? I didn't want to say no. I didn't know – not then – what she was. It was only later, when I got her letters, that I realized – "

"That she can't spell?" Susannah interrupted. I ignored her snide glib and carried on.

" – that the two of us had nothing in common, and never would. But even then, I would not have disgraced my family by breaking things off with her. Not for that."

"But when you heard she wasn't as pure as the driven snow?" Susannah mocked, crossing her arms and defiantly staring at me. Her mood and stubbornness still in full force and directed straight at me. "That's when you decided she wasn't good wife material?"

"When I heard rumors about Maria and Felix Diego," I said, my patience at her rebellion wearing thinner with each second. "I was unhappy. I knew Diego. He was not a good man. He was cruel and...well, he was always looking for ways to make money. And Maria had a lot of money. He wanted to marry her – you can guess why – so when I found out, I decided it might be better to end it, yes – "

"But Diego got to you first." Susannah quietly stated, dropping her hands to her sides. All fight and determination for the truth gone from her. Her eyes were full of solemn remorse for what happened to me. Something I didn't want to see witnessed in her gaze when directed upon me. They may have taken my life, but they gave me something else just as precious. I knew that now.

"Susannah," I stared down into her glistening eyes. I had come to terms with my death and with my killers. I didn't want Susannah to burden herself with the same hate and anger I felt. It wasn't her burden to bare. Nor was it her fate. "I've had a century and a half to get used to being dead. It no longer matters to me who killed me, or why. What's more important to me right now is seeing that you do not end up the same way. Now will you move, or do I have to carry you?"

As soon as I finished my speech I started pulling her along by the rope I held in my hand. Not waiting for a witty answer or rebuke from her. Knowing time was already short and fighting against us considerable. I was not going to stop or give-up hope until Susannah was where she belonged. Even if I had to search on my own.

"Okay," She said sullenly. "But I just want to get one thing straight. I did not do all this – you know, get myself exorcised and come up here and all – because I'm in love with you or anything like that."

I knew what Susannah was trying to do. The cutting remarks to me and about Maria. It was Susannah's way of protecting herself. Of looking and being less vulnerable and open. A way for her to not be hurt emotionally. To keep herself safe. I knew all this but it still left a wound and ache behind at hearing it.

"I would not," I said tightly. "as you say, flatter myself."

"Damn straight," Susannah confirmed her words sounded more unconvincing with each remark. "Because I'm not. I came because of the cat. The cat really misses you."

I couldn't keep my own scathing remark from coming forth, anymore than Susannah could stop her verbal tirade about Maria. My anger and surprise of finding Susannah here was breaking through unbidden. My fears sitting in the forefront of my thoughts.

"You shouldn't have come at all," I muttered under my breath. I looked around me, noticing we were now completely surrounded by the thick fog. It swirled away from us as we walked through it. "I cannot believe that Father Dominic allowed it."

"Hey," Susannah said breaking through my spoken musings. Hearing and taking umbrage to my comments. "Leave Father D out of it. This is all your fault, you know. None of this would have happened if you had just been open and honest with me from the beginning about how you died. Then I could have at least told Andy to dig elsewhere. And I'd have been prepared to deal with Maria and her bohunk husband. I don't know why they are so strung out about people finding out they're a couple of murderers, but they are very intent on keeping what happened to you a big old myst – "

"That," I said answering her enquiry. "is because to them, no time has passed since their deaths. They were at rest until it became evident that my body was about to be found, which would inevitably open up speculation as to the cause of my demise. They do not understand that more than a century has passed since then. They are trying to preserve their places in the community, as the leading citizens they once were."

"Tell me about it," I turned to look at Susannah seeing her eyes downcast and her hand raised to her head, fingering a rather nasty bruise on her head I had only just noticed. One that I now realized she had been trying to keep covered since we were reunited. I winced at the pain she must be feeling sporting it.

"They think it's still eighteen-fifty, and they're afraid of the neighbors finding out they offed you. Well, it's all about to blow up in their faces in a day or so. The truth is coming out, courtesy of the _Carmel Pine Cone_ – "

I had continued my trek through the fog when Susannah had spoken up again. Her voice now smug and satisfied, gloating and proud. But as soon as I heard the last part spring from her mouth I rapidly stopped in my search spinning Susannah around to face me. My anger reaching an unlimited high at the knowledge Susannah had just boasted to me. The sickening aftermath bold and clear in my mind.

"Susannah," I spoke, my voice tight and restrained, hoping I had misheard her. "What are you talking about?"

"I told the whole story to Cee Cee," She explained, bewildered by my reaction. "She's interning at the paper for the summer. She says they're running the story – the real story, about what happened to you – on Sunday."

I knew my face was mared in to an angry scowl. My eyes darkening with my emotions and terror. "Jesse, I had to. Maria killed the guy at the historical society – the one she stole your picture from in order to do the exorcism. I'm pretty sure she killed his grandfather, too. Maria and that husband of hers have killed everybody who has ever tried to tell the truth about what really happened to you that night. But she's not going to be able to do it anymore. That story is going to go out to thirty-five thousand people. More even, because they'll post it on the paper's website. Maria isn't going to be able to kill everybody who reads it."

"No, Susannah. She'll just settle for killing you." I said, my voice resigned and emotionless.

"Jesse," Susannah spoke brightly. "She can't kill me. She's already tired. I've got news for you: I am really, really hard to kill."

As Susannah had been speaking, I had felt the ropeIi was holding - to lead me to the hole - lighten in my hand. As if it wasn't weighed down by the continuing length of the woven strength. It was limp and still in my palm. I looked down in dread at the frayed end now leading us to a complete stop.

"Maybe not," I replied raising my hand and my eyes to meet Susannah's statement head on. The severed rope held up for her to see. The implications and contradiction of what she had just said, clear and ringing in the empty air around us. My words echoing in my mind making me face the harsh truth once again.

Heaving another sigh I dropped the rope to the ground, my eyes keen and alert around me. My hope was threatening to desert me all together but I stubbornly clung on. Unwilling to have come this far only to have it all taken away. I was loathed to let Maria get away with killing another innocent person because of her own sinful deeds. Susannah's face twisted into a look of pure terror. Unable to take her eyes off of the frayed rope attached to her waist. I could see the shining ray of strength she had countless times given me, start to dwindle in her eyes.

"But Father Dom said," Susannah cried. "that Maria and Felix were good Catholics. So what are they doing down in that church?"

I didn't bother to answer Susnanah's startled question. I reached out to seize her wrist with the watch attached turning it to see. "How much time do you have?" I demanded, the panic managing to stay at bay in my voice. "How many more minutes?"

"Eight," Susannah replied, swallowing the rising dismay I could feel coming off of her and in her voice. "But the whole reason Father Dom blessed my house was so they wouldn't try to come in, and then look what they do. They come into a church – "

"We'll find a way out," I reassured Susannah, trying to keep some semblance of calm with us both. I could see she was already losing confidence of returning home. Her mind was wandering easily now. "Don't worry, Susannah. It has to be around here somewhere. We'll find it." I continued frantically looking around me, hoping for the hole to miraculously appear in front of me and grant me my desperate wish.

"It must be here," I waved at the fog surrounding the floor thickly. My hands slicing through it quickly and sharply. Swirling back into place as fast as I was disrupting it. "Susannah, it must be."

I looked to her seeing a troubled look in her eyes. She had removed the rope from around her waist seeing no point in wearing it anymore. She was biting at her lower lip her teeth grazing at it in worry. Her face was marring a frown but she didn't seem to be concentrating on anything. Just quietly contemplating. Her moods changing drastically and rapidly. From frantic to acceptance.

"Susannah." I said, peering down at her, trying to snap her attention back to the here and now. "Susannah, why aren't you looking? You cannot give up, Susannah. We'll find it. I know we'll find it."

She raised her head and eyes, but she was looking straight through me. As if I wasn't there. Her sight glazed and unfocused on her surroundings. Distant and troubled. My alarm for her was rising and increasing in strength. She couldn't give up so easily. Not the brave and stubborn Mediator I had come to know and care for. The girl who was willing to take on Heather, a serial killer, the RLS Angels and now Maria and Diego. Who would fight for the truth and justice. To die for her loved ones, never willing to stand down.

How could this girl with so much bravery and courage who had infused me with my own inner strength give up so quickly. _I_ was unwilling to let her. Unwilling to let her fall down into the deep well of sorrow. I reached out and seized her shoulders, shaking her, sending her hair flying in different directions. The force being enough – I hoped – to rouse her. For her to to bring back the bravery I saw in her each time I looked into her eyes.

The gatekeeper; the one Susannah had mentioned she was friendly with in the beginning came forth, quelling my desire to overreact. "The gatekeeper, Susannah. Call the your friend." I urged to her, getting no response. No recognition that she had heard me. The light was fading in her eyes with each second. Spurring my stubbornness to not give up. Encouraging my will to hope.

"Susannah!" I cried. "Susannah, are you listening to me? We only have five more minutes. We've got to find a way out. Call him."

Reaching up to clumsily push her hair away from her face, Susannah looked at me distracted. "Call who?" she asked confused.

"_The gatekeeper,"_ I said through my clenched teeth. "You said he was your friend. Maybe he'll show us the way."

Suddenly Susannah focused on me. Her eyes boring into my own, reflecting back what was already in my own. Fear. So strong and out of control I didn't try to hide it. To tamp it down. I used it instead. I gathered every ounce of fear and terror, hate and loathing and used it to fuel my desire and determination of getting Susannah out of her alive. To find the will to _fight._ For her and for us.

"_Call him_," I urged again, frantic.

Finally back to her senses and more aware of the dangers at hand, Susannah tore her eyes from my own looking around her in all directions. Calling - I hoped - to the gatekeeper, like she had done to me so many times before. Praying he heard her call. Anxiously I awaited for him to appear. To guide Susannah and myself away from this dark space and to the place we called home. Susannah said nothing, only hurriedly looked around her. Her breathing matching my own rapid fright. Labored and scared. Tense and alert.

I felt a tingle at the edge of my senses, suddenly aware of another presence coming towards us. Bold and confident, I nearly laughed with the relief of help coming for her at last. That our prayers had been answered. The time ticking away creeping closer and closer to the end. The seconds dragging by with each tormenting moment.

But as soon as I saw the person coming through the fog I instantly knew it wasn't who Susannah had called. Hearing her quick intake of breath I looked down to her, seeing her startled expression. I casted my gaze back to the boy that had garnered such a reaction from her. He strode to a stop before us at his own leisurely pace. His hands tucked into his pockets and a lazy grin on his face. His brown curly hair in perfect order and his being exuding confidence and self-assurance. I dislike him on sight.

"_Paul?"_ Susannah suddenly burst out, loud and echoing in the thick, tense silence.

"Suze," He said casually, sweeping her with one long lecherous glance. The look in his eye almost predatory making my stomach burn with disgust at his less than respectful look at Susannah. I took an instinctive step towards her, glaring at his behaviour. My dislike for the one named 'Paul' before me increasing the more he openly stared at Susannah. She didn't seem aware of the glance he was sweeping over her with, only shocked and dumbfounded to have met him in such a place.

"What are you doing here?" Susannah asked. "Are you...are you dead?"

Paul – much to my surprise – didn't seem taken aback by such a daunting question. His eyes never giving anything away as to his emotions, only his '_keen'_ interest towards Susannah. His exuding boldness and arrogance was still in force. Not even flinching when Susannah asked him.

"I was about to ask you the same question," He said, glancing to me and my hands still locked on Susannah's shoulders. "Who's your friend? He _is_ a friend, I assume."

I didn't miss the darkening of his blue eyes as he looked at me. Or the slight sneer his grin had turned into. Just the flicker of jealousy burning deep in his gaze. I looked back at him with the same intensity and power. Mine riddle with distrust and loathing. Tensing my shoulders I frowned as he smirked with a knowing look at my unease.

"I – " Susannah said, glancing between Paul and myself taking us both in. "I came up here to get him. He's my friend. My friend Jesse. Jack accidentally exorcised him, and – "

"Ah," Paul said, cutting Susannah off from her – to me – unnecessary explanation for him. It didn't have anything to do with him. It was between Susannah and myself. I was becoming increasingly aware of the time that was ticking against us still. Paul rolled back on the heels of his feet, nodding at Susannah's statement. "Yes. I told you that you should have left well enough alone with Jack. He'll never be one of us, you know."

Susannah now pulled back fully from her shock, was just as baffled as I was feeling. Confused by his words and just exactly who this person was I listened as Susannah tried to understand it all. "One of...what?"

"One of us," Paul repeated unfazed by our confusion. "I told you, Suze. All this do-gooding, mediator nonsense. I can't believe you fell for it." He shook his head, chuckling at his own words and apparently Susnanah's behaviour. The sound was loud and grating to my - already on edge - nerves. "I would have thought you were smarter than that. I mean, the old man, I can understand. He's from a completely different world – a different generation. And Jack, of course, is...well, clearly unsuited for this sort of thing. But you Suze. I'd have expected more from you."

I let go on Susannah's shoulders, but took hold of her right wrist, the one holding the watch. I looked back at Paul, my anger stirring deep in me, boiling with each scathing remark Paul made about and towards Susannah. "This," I said breaking my silence at last. "is not the gatekeeper, I take it."

"No." She said quietly looking up to me. "This is Jack's brother, Paul. Paul?" She questioned, turning to him. "How did you get here? Are you dead?"

At Susannah's question, Paul rolled his eyes in a gesture akin to impatience. "No. Please. And you didn't need to go through all that rigmarole to get here, either. You can, like me, come and go from here when you please, Suze. You've just been spending so much time 'helping'" Paul said gesturing to me. "lost souls like that one, you've never had the chance to concentrate on discovering your real potential."

I looked to Susannah to see if she understood what Paul was saying anymore than I did. I thought Susannah's job _was _to help spirits. Helping them to finish what they had left behind, so they could move on. Paul made her gift sound inconsequential and belittling. I didn't understand how he could stand here speaking so casually to Susannah, wasting her time telling her that all she had known – when it had come to being a mediator – was wrong. Talking as if he was speaking to a child and not someone his equal.

"You told me...you told me you don't believe in ghosts." I turned my full attention on Susannah beside me. There was something in her voice, but again I couldn't pinpoint what exactly.

Paul smiled a little guiltily. Although it didn't shine through to his eyes. "I should have been more specific." He replied. "I don't believe in letting them walk all over me, like you clearly seem to." Raking his gaze over me in contempt. Indicating his own disgust at my mere presence before him. I fought the urge to step forward and tell him exactly what I thought of himself in return. And his waste of precious time, Susannah didn't have. In stead clenching my jaw so tight, I was surprised it didn't crack under the strain.

"But...but isn't that what mediators are supposed to do?" Susannah stammered, bewildered. "Help lost souls?"

Heaving a large shudder at the apparent thought of doing such a selfless act, Paul looked directly at Susannah. A small measure of pity in his eyes. "Hardly." He sneered. "Well, maybe the old man. And the boy. But not me. And certainly not you, Susannah. And if you'd bothered giving me the time of day, instead of being so caught up trying to rescue this one," – he snarled at me – "I might have been able to show you precisely what you're capable of. Which is so much more than you can begin to imagine."

Throughout the whole speech I could feel myself tensing in anticipation of putting Paul in his place. I could feel a muscle in my jaw jumping with the effort I was making to stay in control. I felt rather than saw Susannah look at me. Obviously seeing the look of fury in my eyes she took control quickly winding our interruption and conversation short.

"Paul," She said with false enthusiasm. "I want you to know that it really means a lot to me, the fact that you, apparently, have your finger on the pulse of the mystical world. But right now, if I don't get back to earth, I'm going to wake up dead. Not to mention the fact that if I'm not mistaken, your little brother might be having a really hard time down there with a guy named Diego and a chick in a hoop skirt."

Paul only nodded in confirmation. "Yes," he said. "Thanks to you and your refusal to acknowledge your true calling, Jack's life is in danger, as is, incidentally the priest's."

Appalled by the false concern and fear in his voice for Father Dominic and his little brother no less, I took a menacing step towards him determined to wipe the smirking glint in his eyes. Disgusted he wasn't concerned for his brothers well-being or Susannah's very life being in jeopardy. But I didn't unfortunately get far because Susannah stepped before me blocking my way with a raised hand. Paul merely cocked an eyebrow at my movement, a silent challenge in his eyes.

"How about giving us some help then, huh, Paul, if you know so much?" Susannah asked, the polite tone devoid of emotion or kindness. "How do we get out of here?"

Paul shrugged. "Oh, is that all you want to know?" He mocked. "That's easy. Just go into the light."

"Go into the – " Susannah broke off, anger rushing through her instantaneously. "_Paul!"_

He chuckled. "Sorry," He said sounding anything but. "I just wanted to know if you'd seen the movie."

Finally snapping with my impatience and my disgust with the boy before me, I let go of Susannah's slender wrist and stepped around her. In a move so fast and fluid, I launched myself at Paul determined to wipe the smile from his face and his joking manner. I pulled my tight fist back and slammed it into his face, feeling and hearing his nose break from the impact. Followed a mere second later by his blood staining his pristine clothes and smearing my fist.

He went down hard from my hit and I followed. Grabbing hold of his shirt in one of my hands I pulled him from the fog covered floor slightly, preparing to follow with another punch.

"You broke my nose! I can't believe you broke my nose!" He yelled.

Tightening my hold of his shirt, I waved my fist before his face. "I'll break more than your nose," I threatened. "if you don't tell us how to get out of here _now_."

Staring unblinking into Paul's eyes, my own cemented the threat in case he didn't believe me. I was through with listening to him waste time gloating about his superiority and knowledge. Unable to keep my anger contained any longer, hitting Paul was a welcome release. But only managing to stave off my frustration and impatience. My anger was still at its highest.

I was satisfied to see a little alarm in Paul's eyes at my very real threat towards him. But before he had the opportunity to tell us what we so desperately needed to hear, I heard a voice calling Susannah's name through the fog. He sounded young and terrified. Without breaking my hold on Paul, I looked to the side, seeing a small figure running through the mist towards Susannah. The quick thought of why I didn't sense his approach was clarified when I saw him.

This must have been Jack, Paul's little brother. The one that Maria had manipulated into exorcising me. He must have climbed up here to retrieve Susannah. The flash of relief I felt deep in my heart was quickly shaken off. My mind supplying me with the knowledge that the danger wasn't over yet. Neither was the anger.

Jack had a rope tied around his waist, connecting him to hole that would lead Susannah back to her body. "Suze," he called. "Come quick! That mean lady ghost you warned me about, she cut your rope, and now she and that other one are beating up Father Dominic!"

He had reached Susannah by then and came to an abrupt halt before us, looking down at Paul beneath me. My grip on his shirt and fist raised before his face still in position. I turned back to Paul, a new level of anger making my eyes blaze with fury. The situation on earth – in the church – could have been prevented if Paul had co-operated with us and helped sooner. Rather than letting his ego rule his behaviour. "Paul? What are _you_ doing here?"

Paul looked back at me, his own gaze lit with annoyance and hate for me. No-one said anything, no-one moved. Paul and I were locked in a battle of wills neither taking our eyes off of each other. My grip did not lessen, nor did my wrath.

Paul broke the tense silence lingering around us all like a shroud. "You'll regret this. Do you understand? I'll make you sorry."

I laughed at Paul's words seeing no threat or concern from him. The sound was emotionless and empty. "Your welcome to try." I sneered right back, my voice low and growling. I threw him aside like a rag-doll, flicking his empty threat aside with him. Content and happy to never have to see him again. I stood to my full height quickly striding to Susannah, taking her wrist beneath my large hand and took her over to the boy, Jack.

"Take us to them," I said, my voice deep and dark.

Jack quickly reached out and took hold of Susannah's other hand pulling her along in the direction of their escape. Jack didn't look back to his brother and neither did Susannah and myself. I had no desire to look upon his arrogant face again.

The hole - thankfully - wasn't that far from our position. Susannah's watch had only given her a minute before she was unable to return to her life. We all dropped to our knees looking down to try and see where Father Dominic was. I couldn't see Maria or Diego and Father Dominic wasn't in sight either. All that could be heard was the sounds of chaos and disruption. Breaking glass, broken wood and heavy objects hitting the marble floor. It was dark and oppressive. The feelings that shouldn't be lingering in a place of such peace and comfort.

Susannah's body lay directly beneath the hole. Silent and unmoving. A ring of lit candles around her bathing her still body in a soft glow. The sounds around her unheard and unheeded. Despite the candlelight I could see she was deathly pale and the bruise on her head looked more painful than when I had first seen it. She was laying on robes as a makeshift bed. Like she was in a deep, endless sleep. Unnaturally unaware of her surroundings.

Turning to Susannah I expected her to be trying to climb down already, only to find her hesitating at the height. "You should go first," She said turning to Jack. "We'll lower you with the rope – "

Instantaneously and on cue, Jack and I both shouted. "No!"

Before Susannah could object I gave her a small nudge pushing her till she fell through the hole, falling and falling until she eventually landed in her own body. I saw her tense for the impact only for her to slip into herself effortlessly and gentle. The moment she entered her body she jolted awake heaving a large breath as though bursting forth from water. Her eyes were wide with fright and shock looking up at us. Jack and I watched as she came to her senses and calmed her breathing slightly. She alleviated my own racing breaths with a small smile before reaching forward to pat her legs and her stomach and arms. Making sure she was all in one piece. I chuckled at her concern, relief flooding my mind and heart.

Susannah laid back down catching her breath, lifting a hand to her head no doubt feeling the bruise now that she was alive properly. I watched in alarm as some unseen force tipped the statue of the Virgin Mary straight for Susannah. It seemed to be in slow motion as it fell landing on her stomach making her groan with the impact and force. Looking around the church for the source of the infliction upon Susannah, my eyes found Maria glaring at Susannah's prone form.

"There she is," Maria cried. "Get her!"

I looked up to see Maria, just as I had remembered her a hundred and fifty years ago to look. Far to much jewellery adorning her neck wrists and fingers and her hair in perfect black ringlets either side of her head. All the anger, frustration and fear that had festered and grew since I had found out what Susannah had done to herself to rescue me - because of Maria - came flooding back, wiping away the relief that had came forth once Susannah had woken. Pursing my lips together I glared at Maria's approach to the girl lying beneath the hole Jack and I were looking from.

I watched as Maria marched over towards Susannah cold intent in her eyes. Not bothering to wait for Maria to reach her and try to kill her again, Susannah pushed the statue off of her and quickly climbed to her feet. Maria had seen Susnanah's purpose in her eyes and had turned tail to run in the other direction and away from the very angry and very strong mediator intently striding towards her.

"You know Maria," Susannah spoke conversationally while reaching out to grab hold of Maria by her skirts. Susannah pulled her back, reeling her in further with each tug. "Girls like you really irritate me." Casually continuing her conversation all the while.

I didn't pay much attention to what Susannah was saying after that, turning my sights onto Jack beside me. With a little coaxing and reassurance I slowly lowered Jack down through the hole. The drop not being as long as Susannah thought so I only needed to lower him by his hands. Once he was as far down as I could reach with laying flat on my stomach and leaning down, I let him go. He landed softly on the pile of robes Susannah had been laying upon. Quickly scrambling to his feet and out of harms way after a quick thank you up to me.

"Diego!" Suddenly echoed around the church, vibrating in the large space and making me turn my attention to Susannah and Maria once again. I spotted Susannah at the altar rail. One hand clutching onto a handful of shiny black ringlets and the other one holding Maria's twisted arms behind her back. Seconds later after the shriek was heard, Susannah lifted Maria's head and slammed it into the altar rail again and again. Speaking to her the whole time. Stopping a few times to examine how badly damaged Maria was before resuming her revenge.

I heard a crash off to the side spotting Diego slinking round by the pews behind Susannah trying to sneak up on her.

Without so much as a second thought to what I was doing and the the opportunity I was leaving behind, I pulled myself upright dangling my legs down into the hole and dropped onto the robes beneath me soundlessly. Standing back upright I locked my gaze on Felix Diego's dark form trying to sneak up to Susannah. With one last growl I purposefully strode towards him.

The occupants and the church I was standing in all dropped away. The sounds of Maria's squealing and Jack's cries to Father Dominic went unheard. Leaving me with nothing in my sights but the person who by his own hands, had taken my life. My fists were clenched in anticipation at my sides and my shoulders were tense in preparation for the ensuing battle about to be dealt to both. Diego had glanced up and seen me coming, exiting the pews he was standing in, he met me one on one in the aisle. Keeping my face expressionless, I let my eyes show the blazing inferno of anger and hate in their black depths.

Clenching my fist even tighter I cut the short distance left between us and landed a punch to his face before he had seen it coming. Reeling back slightly I pulled my fist back aiming for him again, but he was alert now and evaded my hit. Instead managing to land a blow to my stomach in a cheap undershot. I tensed slightly from the pain but came back at him quickly. Pulling back up, I lent backwards and swung my full body in to a hit to his face, not letting him recover before I followed with another hit from my left. I could feel my emotions burning white hot in my stomach, fuelling my strength and revenge.

Blood quickly gashed from his nose dripping on to the marble floor before him. Clutching his hand to his nose he looked at the blood on his hands. I saw the anger enter his eyes as he pulled his hand away. Recklessly he charged for me aiming to take me off my feet. I let him make the contact, taking me down, but not before I dealt a vicious punch to his stomach. Throwing him off of me, I grabbed hold of his shirt rapidly sinking my fist into his face again and again, not giving him enough time to recover. With a smirk and a glint in my eye, I wrapped my hands around his throat, the purpose clear in my mind.

Diego put up a fight managing to get a grip on me and tossed me aside. Ripping my hands from his throat I landed with a dull thud against the wooden pews. I jumped to my feet quickly, rushing at him just as he got to his own. I raised my foot and kicked him square in the chest sending him sprawling into the one of the seats, growling at me he leaned back up, fist clenched and ready. But I had already raised my foot again, preparing to slam it into his face.

I made impact, satisfied once again to feel bone breaking beneath my foot. Diego slumped to the floor blood all over his face and his jaw slacken. My anger still burning white hot I spotted a broken pieces of wood by my feet. Bending down to retrieve it I lifted it to my hands, feeling the weight and thickness of it. Turning back to Diego I saw he had risen back to his feet. His anger clear and palpable. But mine was stronger. Mine was deeper.

Lifting the wooden piece in my hand I swung it towards Diego's stomach making him double over before swinging it again at his head. His neck twisted unnaturally to the side, followed by the sound of it breaking. Panting with the exertion, I paused looking upon his bloody and broken body at my feet. My anger finally starting to simmer down upon the picture of the pathetic man at my feet. I faintly heard shrieking coming from the the altar and circle of candles Susannah had been laying in.

I turned to see Susannah and Jack dragging a kicking and screaming Maria to the bed of robes, their intentions quite clear. Once she was laying there Maria stopped struggling and screaming. In stead looking up at the hole above her and the clear dark sky. Apparently not realizing the fate soon to be dealt to her. Hearing a shuffle and a growl I looked down to see Diego had recovered from having his neck broken and was rising to his feet. I tossed the wood aside meeting his fight head on.

Throwing powerful punches and vicious kicks at each other, I could hear Susannah summoning the exorcism to take Maria away. I had Diego locked in a hold he was trying manically to get out of. My attention unfortunately wasn't completely on him though and with a swift punch to my stomach followed with an almighty shove, Diego escaped my hold running towards Susannah and Maria at the altar. His anger at what was happening to his wife was clear in his guttural growl.

"You bitch!" He bellowed at Susannah running towards her, staring in horror at his wife being lifted to the hole and the shadowland above. "Bring her down!"

Rising to my feet, my breathing labored and fast with blood running down the side of my head from a cut to my forehead, I quickly made my way over to Diego's disbelieving form. Standing behind him, I smirked. "You want your wife so badly, then why don't you go to her?"

And with one last bout of strength I pushed my murderer into the circle of candles and his awaiting fate. He tumbled forward the smoke instantly starting to wind around him, covering his body and pulling him up towards the shadowland along with his wife. His shouts of anger and disgust were loud and fierce. Causing echoes all around us. His curses and severe struggles went unheard and ignored by all as he furiously fought to escape from the tendrils of smoke holding him captive.

I watched as the girl I once was engaged to be married to and her lover got swept away from us. Being taken away, never to walk among us again. Never to be seen or spoken of. Time would carry on unbidden their lives would be forgotten. Swept away with the dust of time. My face remained neutral, expressionless. Giving away nothing of what I was feeling. Which was exactly that...nothing. No hate, anger, relief. Just blessed silence resounding deep within my soul, save for the one emotion I happily and openly accepted at last.

Susannah softly spoke the last word finalising Maria and Diego's exorcism. "Amen." And they were gone. Diego's cries of outrage disappeared along with his spirit. Leaving the church empty and silent. A comforting still and respectful air. Broken only by Susannah's gentle tone.

"Jesse,"

I took my eyes away from the hole that I had just witnessed Maria and Diego vanish through and back to look at Susannah. Acknowledging her call.

Susannah nodded towards the hole with the sky as black as night, filled with thousands of stars twinkling and shining as if none of the chaos and violence had just happened. "If you want to go back," She said. "now is the time, before it closes up again."

I looked back to the hole with the beautiful night sky, then back to Susannah an even more stunning sight. With one last look at the chance of my afterlife coming to its natural conclusion and the sky granting me one last view of one of my favourite past times, I finally settled my gaze on Susannah before me.

"No thank you, _querida_," I said calmly. "I think I want to stay and see how it all ends."

I didn't even give the idea of going back to the shadowland a second thought. Not needing to. Already knowing what choice I was going to make. The same one I had made as soon as Susannah had mentioned for me to return with her. At the chance of being where I was happy. I was where I wanted to be, where I belonged. I was with Susannah. That was enough for me.

Looking into Susannah's deep green eyes I smiled. Because I knew, that was where she wanted me to be too...

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**_A/N 2: _**Here's a random piece of information for ya - I had my nose pierced today and I keep catching it. THAT part hurts like hell, lol. Thanks for reading, please review** : )** See ya at the last chapter **;D**

**_Anonymous Reviews:_**

**_Meg -_** Hey! Thanks as always for reviewing and I hope you enjoy this chapter **:D** Take care...

**_Coming up in the conclusion of book 4:_** It's the part you've all been waiting for ... the k-i-s-s-i-n-g scene **;D**


	6. Chapter 6

_**Disclaimer: **_Please see first chapter for disclaimer.

_**Rating: **_T

_**A/N: **_Well I wasn't planning on uploading this quite so soon. And I had actually had a completely different chapter written out for it. But I ended up letting my fingers do the typing and came up with this in stead...Besides,_** '**__**GeekdomBeckons-88' **_is going on holiday soon and I couldn't let her go away without this **:D**

I am so nervous to the reaction of this one. I know how much you've all been looking forward to this scene. So I really, really hope I haven't disappointed any of you. And that it hasn't shone through in this.

Anyway, thank you so much for all the fantastic feedback and support you have all given me through this arduous story. I had more than a few moments of total frustration with it, lol. But all your kind, funny, sweet words have spurred me on. _**You rocks, y'all!**__** :D**_

_**Recap**_**: **Its the part you've all been waiting for...Nuff said **;P**

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**_Chapter 6..._**

When I eventually managed to tear my eyes away from Susannah's - my heart and soul lighter with a new release and a new realization - I looked back just in time to see the rip between this world and the next wink out of existence. We turned our attention to the mess and destruction that had filled the church. Our main priority being Father Dominic. He had been beaten around quite a lot, much to my disgust. His face was bloody and bruised and his silver hair was matted and messy. His robes were dusty with splinters of wood adorning them. He was a sorry sight and my heart instantly went out to him for having to endure so much alone.

Susannah had gone to his side straight away, trying to rouse him back to consciousness. Jack and myself lingered nearby, worry and concern etching young Jack's features. He looked pale and innocent. He had certainly witnessed far too much this night. More than a child ever should. Even though it was an extremely late hour, his eyes were still animated with the signs of exhaustion no where in sight.

His voice was tremulous as he asked Susannah if Father Dominic was going to be okay. His hands shaking slightly when he reached out to touch the priests hand by his side. His eyes bright with un-shed tears he stubbornly wiped away. Trying not to show how scared he was at that moment, now the true threat had been eliminated. The rush of the nights events catching up to him.

I laid my own large hand upon his slightly shivering shoulder. Giving him all the warmth and reassurance I could. He turned to me in acknowledgement and question. I informed him with a small smile that Father Dominic would be fine. That he had the best people here to help him now. Young Jack seemed to take comfort from my words, giving me a shaky smile in return. His gratitude at my concern for him clear in his innocent blue eyes, that have seen too much.

It was easy to forget he was just a child. He knew so much already. Being able to see ghosts with not having anyone else to share his knowledge or gift with, was a heavy burden he had to bare. One he had no explanation for. No help and no understanding. Until Susannah and Father Dominic had entered his life. From what Susannah had told me, he had lived a life riddled with fear. Hiding away whenever possible. Unwilling to try the joys of being a child. Afraid to be alone should any ghosts appear to him. Terrified with what he was supposed to do.

And yet all he needed, was for someone to tell him the truth of his extraordinary gifts. For someone to understand his fears and lay them to rest once and for all. That person being Susannah. The young boy before me was a completely different child to the one Susannah had described to me. The one that she would have to sit for all day too afraid to leave the comfort of his hotel room. This young boy had gained bravery and courage for all that he had done this night. Climbing up to the shadowland Susannah and myself had desperately tried to escape from. Coming face to face with his brother who somehow had the same gifts as himself, but had never once tried to reassure him. Staying in a church with two spirits who were bent of destroying anything and anyone in their path to cover up the truth.

He had endured so much, but yet here he still sat with Susannah and myself, watching over Father Dominic in concern. He hadn't run and he hadn't cried save for the small tears he banished before they started. Indeed he was brave and hardy. His time with Susannah well spent and evident. Proof in his sudden straightening of his shoulders and determination in his eyes. Definitely a protege of Susannah.

I turned my attention away from the young boy beside me to Father Dominic before us. His groans of pain were loud and audible in the tense silence of the church. The released breathes of relief issued from Susannah and Jack were equal to my own. As Father Dominic slowly and painfully came back to the attention and consciousness of his surroundings, his keen blue eyes suddenly filled with fear. His fright of the two vicious spirits that had been occupying his church and his time whilst awaiting on Susannah was apparent in his eyes.

Susannah saw the fear enter his eyes the same time I did. Instantly coming to his aid to reassure him they were gone. For good. That they couldn't hurt him anymore. His fear only diminishing once he had sight of Jack beside him and Susannah hovering above. Both of his charges were safe from harm. Enough for his mind and body to relax minutely. As much as he could with his wounds and pain he was enduring.

A plan was quickly set into action soon after. Jack and myself ordered to clean away the evidence of Susannah's exorcism. We blew out the candles still burning brightly in a ring that Susannah had been laying in a while before. The robes and candles put away in the respective places Father Dominic told us. His books and incense needed for the ritual also put away. All the signs of anything else other than a struggle on display in the quiet church were removed and away from sight. We returned to Father Dominic's side straight after, where he waited for us to finish so he could make the phone call and set the final part of our plan into action. To call the police and inform them of a break in. That he had stumbled across some youths trying to steal some priceless artifacts in the church. Of his own trauma during the incident.

A lie that was unfortunately needed in this case. One that I hoped would be easily forgotten due to the circumstances.

We waited for the police and the other emergency services to arrive - hidden and shadowed - before making our way from the sight of so much violence and destruction. From a sight that housed one of the biggest reliefs I had ever felt. So deep I could feel it in my entire being. I silently waited beside Susannah and Jack while we waited for the car that would escort Susannah and Jack to his hotel. To return him to his place of residence. We were all lost in our thoughts, each lost in the turbulent images of what had happened - what seemed so long ago now - in the shadowland church.

The silence that was tense and palpable was finally broken by Susannah voicing her questions to an unsuspecting Jack inbetween us. Her voice was strained and laced with an undercurrent of anger. Enough for me to turn to her in surprise. Her face showed nothing of her feelings.

"So, Jack. What is up with your brother?"

Jack scowled at the mention of his selfish and arrogant sibling. "I don't want to talk about it."

"I can fully appreciate that." Susannah replied, bitterly persistent. "However, he appears to be able to move freely between the realms of the living and the dead, and I find this alarming. Do you think it is possible he is the son of Satan?"

"Susannah," I warned in a low voice, seeing the darkening light in Jack's eyes at the partial truth of her words.

"I mean that in the nicest way possible." She quickly stated looking to Jack.

"I said I don't want to talk about it." Jack said again. I could hear the underlying tone of betrayal in his wobbling voice. Aimed at his brother for leaving him to live in fear for so long.

"Which is perfectly understandable. But did you know you know before now that Paul is a mediator too?" Susannah asked fake enthusiasm and cheerfulness in her voice. "Or were you as surprised as we were? Because you didn't seem very surprised when you ran into him, you know, up there."

"I really don't want to talk about this right now." Jack replied through gritted teeth.

"He doesn't want to talk about it, Susannah. Leave the boy alone." With a hint of finality in my tone, Susannah looked to me with a small glare. But I could see the fight had gone out of her eyes. I fought the urge to smile at the normal behaviour I expected of Susannah. At the feelings of contentment I was feeling even after all that had happened. Calm in my rightful place once again.

Not long after Susannah had halted in her small interrogation of Jack, did the car to escort him home arrive. Cold and exhausted, Susannah and Jack climbed into the back of the car. Susannah and myself on either side of him again. Comfortable ensconced in between us both. The ride to the hotel was just as quiet as the wait before hand. Susannah mixing between looking out the window and back to me. Each time receiving a small smile from me that I was still here. The flicker of relief and affection I would see in her eyes, was happily and quickly returned back to her in my own.

The ride was over sooner than I would have liked, but the tiredness that was weighing Susannah and Jack down was clear in their heavy eyed gazes and slumped shoulders. Susannah and I still had to make the long trek home yet. One that we soon started on as soon as Jack was in safely. Susannah heaving a weary sigh every now and again. The cold making her shiver slightly and break out into goosebumps. There wasn't anything I could do to help her to ease her discomfort unfortunately, so I tried to enthuse as much soothing comfort into my presence with her as possible.

We didn't talk too much on our way back home. I could tell Susannah was lost in her own thoughts, so we talked about small mundane things. Just to pass the time and keep my own thoughts at bay. Ones I would happily let invade my mind, but not until Susannah was home safe and in her bed.

I kept catching her glancing at me out of the corner of my eye still needing her own reassurance that I was there. In stead of fighting away the thought and action that came to my mind like I would have done months before. I accepted this one, deciding Susannah needed the soothing action more so now than before. Reaching out with my arm I hooked it around her slender shoulders, pulling her to my side. I met no resistance from Susannah, only a quiet sigh and the feel of her leaning into my side where she fit perfectly.

The warmth from her own body heat infused my whole being, making the hairs on my arm and back of my neck stand on end. The feeling was a sensation I could happily get used to. Leaning down I dropped a quick kiss to the top of her silky head, feeling her relax into me even more. With a smile of pure happiness on my face we carried on with our long trek back home. Susannah's shivering becoming less and less with each second she was wrapped in my arm. Secure and comfortable for the both of us.

Before long we had reached home. Looking up at the large, once boarding house. Dark and silently silhouetted against the backdrop of the night sky. I reluctantly took my arm away from Susannah's shoulders instantly feeling the rush of cool air replace where she had been. I followed Susannah up her porch stairs to her front door, her steps quiet and alert. Swiftly Susannah unlocked the door easing it open enough for her to sneak through. I met her on the other side using my glow to illuminate her way to the stairs.

Max had slinked away as soon as I had entered the house. Whining with his tail between his legs. Dashing off to a part of the house he felt safer in. Susannah made quick work of climbing her stairs and quietly entering her room. As soon as the door was closed and the light was on, she slumped against the door heaving a weary sigh of relief and pure exhaustion. I stood by my place at the window seat watching her with a slight hint of concern. She looked extremely pale now I could see her properly. The bruise on her head looked even more painful than I had first thought. And her hair was in disarray. With one last sigh, she levered herself off her door dragging her feet and herself over to her bed.

I heard the tell-tale thump outside her window on the porch roof. Quickly followed by the sounds of a very happy Spike. He made quick work of entering the room and across to me. His mewing and purring in full force the whole time. I let the grin that had been fighting to break through come to my face in full force now. Looking to Susannah, I saw her slip her shoes off by her bed and pull her bed-covers back and climbed straight underneath the comforter. Relaxing into the soft mattress. My smile still in force I looked down to the loud display Spike was making at my return.

I could feel Susannah's penetrating gaze burning into me and quickly looked up to see her staring at the display Spike was making. She met my eyes seconds later, her barriers down and her true emotions on display to me.

I saw what I had been hoping I would witness. The trust and disbelieving happiness at having me back by her side. Back where I belonged. Searching deeper I found what I was looking for. What I longed to see. The love she had for me was burning brightly in her emerald eyes. Reflecting back to me, all that was in my own. For the longest moment we held each others gaze, neither backing down or turning away. More than content to stay in this moment for the rest of time. My love for her shining through stronger with each second that passed. Accepted and returned.

I saw the flicker of exhaustion she tried to keep at bay and hidden. Smiling at her reluctance to break the tender moment, I spoke to her in the softest tone. "Go to sleep,_querida__. _I'm not going anywhere."

With a last smile to me, Susannah finally slipped into the much needed sleep. Her breathing evening out before dropping into a deep restful dream. Her lips still twitched into that small gesture.

The look in hers stayed emblazoned on my mind for the rest of the night and there after. Right until she finally woke from her endless sleep. My own love for her swelling and rising with each passing glance I had given her still form. My smile growing bolder and more confident the more I admitted the truth to myself. The truth I had kept hidden to myself for too long. The truth I was willing to accept at last and relish in completely. Till the moment when I could look into her eyes again.

Letting forth the emotion I had tried fruitlessly to deny was there. That I was convinced she didn't care for me in the same way I did for her. What I had buried deep to never let my mind dwell on the thought, should it suddenly arise when I didn't want it too. For Susannah to never know it was there. I brought it to the light at long last. My fear vanishing from existence at my new knowledge. That I was in-love with Susannah. And that I been for so long, I was scared to admit the hold she had always had on me. Delirious that Susannah loved me too. That my love wasn't unrequited.

The sudden realization that Susannah had been trying just as furtively to ignore the rising love we had for each other, sprang to my mind. Our efforts going unheard and ignored. Clinging on with all the power so it could to never diminish. For it to never fade and be denied.

That had been the worst part to accept when I had thought Susannah had exorcised me. That she was so unhappy with my presence that she wanted me to leave. That she didn't love me in return and never would. My fear of an unrequited love was true. And that hurt the most. So much more than the knowledge that it was Susannah to have performed the ritual. My love for her had gone unheard and discarded.

I led my mind through all that happened in the past couple of days. The thoughts and images all seeming like a faraway dream. Seen through the eyes of another. With the same detached emotions and feelings. The only emotion I wanted to feel was the love I had finally unleashed. The true emotion now ruling my heart and my mind. Finally free from its restraints I let the glow and warmth fill me. Make me feel whole and complete at long last. To accept the missing piece. The part I have always longed for and finally found.

That Susannah had risked her life for me - to retrieve me from my personal anguish - was proof enough of her love for me. Because I knew then - as much as she tried to deny to me she wasn't doing it for her - that the truth in her eyes and her actions were all the evidence I needed. All the encouragement my heart and soul was given, to thrust on me the long suppressed emotion I freely and completely immersed myself in. Bathed in the warm glow and love Susannah returned to me.

I sat on her window seat, patiently waiting for her to wake. For the realization that I was really home to seep into her. So I could talk to her. My mind couldn't formulate what I was going to say to her yet, but I knew I was desperate to see her again.

As soon as she started to stir and become aware of her surroundings I left. Taking myself to sit on the porch before her house. Not wishing to go to far. To be away from Susannah for any length of time. I couldn't rid myself of the large grin I had been sporting an inordinate amount of the time wearing while she had been sleeping. My mood was so light and carefree I could do nothing but enjoy the feelings of peace and love. I wondered how I had managed to hold them at bay for so long. How much I had made myself suffer for it. But even these thoughts couldn't sway my smile.

After I had seen Susannah's mother and stepfather exit their home - muttering of their worries for the bruise on Susannah's head - I knew I could return back to her room. To my haven and sanctuary. Relieved to sit at my favoured place. To take in all of Susannah's presence radiating and filling the space in her absence. Please to see nothing had changed while I had been away. That everything was as familiar and welcoming to me as I had hoped.

I didn't know how long Susannah was going to be, so I had picked up a book I had seen sitting on her dressing table. Hoping it would help pass the time. Spike joined me before long, curled into a tight ball on my lap. His wandering from my side since I had come back was never for long. All that was missing to complete the moment was to have Susannah here with us.

I didn't have to wait long before the object of my love walked in her bedroom door. I instantly looked up to see her enter, radiating a calm and serene air. Her posture was relaxed until she saw me waiting for her. Startled by seeing me she blushed slightly quickly putting her arm behind her back hiding something from my view. I didn't pay any attention to what she was hiding I only wanted to stare at Susannah. To let the reality of everything that had happened settle in my mind. To see her bright green eyes sheepishly watching me. Her cheeks still tinted with a light pink. "You're awake," I said, finally breaking the silence.

"Um," She said nervously, sliding her way over to her bed. "Yes, I am."

"How do you feel?" I asked, my concern for her being my first priority.

"Me?" She asked, surprised.

I laid my book down flat on the cushions beside me with my eyes still boaring into hers. I fought to keep my expression devoid of anything. Still unsure of what I was going to say, but surprisingly unconcerned. The love I had acknowledged for her was thrumming in my chest. Making my skin tingle in anticipation. "Yes, you." I softly said. "How do you feel?" I repeated.

"Fine," She said quickly reaching her bed. She abruptly sat down leaning on her pillows slightly pushing something underneath them. She relaxed when she had hidden whatever it was she didn't want me to see.

"Good," I said. "We need to talk."

Instantly Susannah tensed up again shooting straight to her feet casting quick glances at her bedroom door for escape. Her movements shaky and her blush in full force once again.

"You know what," She said talking so fast I nearly didn't understand her. "I don't want to talk. Is that okay? I really, really don't want to talk. I am all talked out."

Keeping my gaze locked on her own, I lifted Spike from my lap settling him on the floor by my feet. My eyes were unwavering on hers. Slowly I stood up from the window seat taking a deliberate step towards her. Susannah sucked in a huge breath looking more nervous and panicked by the second.

"I'm just – Look," She said, swallowing as I took another step towards her. "I'm just going to give Cee Cee a call and maybe we'll go to the beach or something, because I really...I just need a day off."

I took one last step forward to Susannah completing the short journey. I stood directly infront of her unable to break my eyes away from hers. Showing Susannah everything that was in them. All that I was feeling for and towards her. To show her my happiness Ii was feeling to be home. My gratitude for her daring and dangerous plan to rescue me. My love that I had always tried to keep hidden and away from her. From myself. All there for her to see.

"Especially," Susannah continued. Losing herself in my eyes, like the many times I had lost myself in hers. Her voice was nothing but a whisper now looking up at me beneath her hooded eyes. "from talking. That's what I especially need a day off from. Talking."

"Fine," I said, leaning down to meet her and gently cupping her face in my large hands. My own voice nothing but a raspy murmur. "We don't have to talk."

And then I closed the final excruciating distance between us and kissed her. The touch of her lips beneath mine sent shivers of energy through me. Making my body come alive with just her.

Closing my eyes I leaned into the soft touch and presence that is Susannah. Breathing in her intoxicating scent. Letting her warmth flow through me and feeling it flaring in my chest. Feeling the soft pressure of her lips beneath mine as she returned my touch. Her hands gripping onto my shoulders keeping herself up. I dropped my own hands to her delicate waist, pulling her even closer to me. Hearing her soft sigh of contentment as I opened my mouth deepening the kiss even more. Delighted that Susannah was returning it with as much vigor and love.

I poured everything I had into that one moment. Showing Susannah how much I loved her, unable to pull away to speak the words. Of how much I would give to see her happy. Letting my actions tell her how much I needed her by my side and in my arms. Where I wanted her to always be...

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_**A/N 2**_**: **I tried so hard to think of ways to drag that scene out at the end, but I didn't wanna spoil it. But I still got two other books of cuteness to go through so...Anyway, there is going to be a special edition chapter coming up too. One that** _'_****_ekmemerald'_ **helped me decide to put on it's own. And who gave me the idea. So that you can go back and read it as a standalone if you want. But it is tied in with the series. And then were off to start on the 5th book...whoo. Anyway thank you so much for reading, please review. I hope you enjoyed this last chapter **:D**

_**Anonymous Reviews:**_

_**Meg - **_Ohh, capitals! Lol. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your continued feedback. Its great hearing from ya each time **:D** I hope you enjoy this chapter **:)** Take care...

_**Coming up in the Special Edition chapter - 'May It Be'**_**: **David interrupts the special moment between Suze and Jesse. Who makes a hasty apology and escape...letting the shock of what had just happened settle in. Only to discover he isn't as sorry as he thinks he should be...


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